Fractures in a Dying World
Acererak Mercenary Enterprises (Campaign)
Takes place in the year 313 of the 13th Age. The PCs made Acererak Mercenary Enterprises, which was headquartered in the hollowed out remains of Acererak, the living dungeon. This headquarters would, through the overwhelming magical abuse of the land, provide a reasonable foundation for the future city of the same name. This city is now known as Aziraja.
Stuff happened. That stuff is reproduced below, compiled in the laziest way possible.
From the Records of Acererak Mercenary Enterprises
This doc fills two major roles:
1. Keeping track of characters. Update your character’s info and backstory as needed.
2. Keeping track of in game events. Miss a session? There should be a write-up below.
Also, everyone has a color assigned to them. Feel free to change your color, but only if you are choosing a color that is not already taken. (May have gone a bit overboard though… You can never go overboard with COLOR CODING!)
Words as of 5/31/2015: 34,126
For reference: Animal Farm is 29,966
Slaughterhouse Five is 47,192
War and Peace is 544,406
Bree – Mean lifespan: 10.5 sessions. Geometric average character: 8.11 sessions
Wesley (previously Wesley)
[People Who Show Up For One Session And Don’t Return] (Such cynicism)
Hey Look! A Table of Contents! Sort of!
>>> 13th Age Scribe <<<
(OUT = One Unique Thing)
? means that I do not have it written down; please fill it in. Also, feel free to correct any information or misspelled names.
Bizshnips Spinhszib (Wesley)
Race: Gnome (the best)
Title: The Shadow Mage
Age: 40 (Think 18-19 by human standards.)
One Unique Thing: Star sign on head that reacts to alcohol. (See Session 22 also 41 LEL WE NEARLY DEDed THE FUTURE ARCHMAGE for why this is a problem) (It’s not a problem, it’s a medical condition. Be more sensitive.) (to what, fire? hellholes? monsters?) Not specifically, but yes, fires, hellholes, and monsters have feelings too. When I become Archmage, I promise to include more multicolored fire in the decoration of Horizon, instead of just blue, purple, and green.
Icon Relationships: + Dark Jester,
First Session: Session 1 (Cause I’m number 1, baby!)
Think You Know Bizshnips?: ACME Research and Development Files
Bio: Bizshnips is a talented wizard from Horizon who holds the second highest position under Archmage, though few know of this power. He is also CEO and head researcher for the A.C.M.E. corporation. To the Prince of Shadows and others who understand the influence he wields, he is known simply as the Shadow Mage. Currently, he is more or less running day-to-day operations in Horizon, overseeing the continued expansion of A.C.M.E., searching for relics of the Dark Jester to keep idiots from gaining power/maybe gain some power himself, building and fine-tuning Horizon’s new golem teleportation enhanced police force, and researching whatever interests him at the moment at his Lair near Starport.
Bizshnips was once an apprentice to a very powerful wizard, during which he was “removed” from wizard school due to an accident that could understandably be falsely attributed to him. The gnomish apprentice was holding onto a corrupted corpse for his friend Karnath which accidentally got mixed into his master’s spell components. For a time, Bizshnips was free to take temp jobs until his master retained the use of his body, soul, and other worldly functions. He eventually joined up with a group of mercenaries to investigate the dwarven mines. The group soon found out that the living dungeon Acererak would soon breach the surface. With the aid of a borrowed dwarven army, they braved the dungeon’s traps and confronted the master spirit at the dungeon’s core, the eponymous Acererak. The group then requisitioned the dungeon as a headquarters for their burgeoning company.
After thwarting the Black Abyss’ attempt at ending the 13th Age, Bizshnips went back to Horizon for a month to continue his stuDEDs, earning massive extra credit for curing paperclip cancer. He also began to throw himself into his work, pronouncing himself Head of R&D, Head of PR, and Head of Advertisement for his startup company A.C.M.E. However, said company took a hit when all physical evidence of its existence besides him was destroyed along with Forge. His efforts are slowly rebuilding it, but it’ll be a long time before it’s back at full strength again.
In the aftermath of Forge’s destruction, Bizshnips withdrew to a wizard apartment in Horizon. Upon being confronted by Mattskillz and Gorht, he fled for Shadowport, but was tracked and convinced to investigate the explosion site. There, they met Clove, Soren, and some other person maybe. The renaming of ghost Forge as Gorge was his idea. While investigating a fractured underkraken, his right arm was partially mutated. After retrieving a strange glowing pyramid from above Gorge, Bizshnips returned to Acererak, returning to pick up the current group after they fell out of the pyramid along the way. He was then given a note from the elder god Hagamemnon threatening his other friends, so he immediately returned to save his friends (who actually got out without his help, as it turned out). After eliminating an undead army holed up in the headquarters, Bizshnips confronted Hagamemnon, who quickly escaped.
Anyway, Bizshnips reunited with the friends the elder god had been holding hostage and, after a quick pitstop in Gorge, headed towards Axis to ask the Dragon Emperor for aid. An underkraken arrives, but is fought off. Bizshnips then immediately set off for Starport to stop Haggles from doing whatever it was he was doing. After joining the rest of the party, the brave wizard encountered the Ancient Dark Loser, who subsequently received both verbal and magical burns, in that order. Despite focusing his last dying breaths on killing our valiant hero, in the end the HagBag was the one to fall and Bizshnips was the one to claim the loser’s body and maybe do experiments with said body. Not that anyone else knows this unless they decided to read the whole bio just for this fact, but hey, their loss.
With a bit of time on his hands, Bizshnips journeyed to Drakkenhall to build a new A.C.M.E. headquarters. As part of negotiations for lower taxes, the party raided an underkraken situated just below the city, where Bizshnips encountered a young soul-flenser cut off from the underkraken by the time pirates currently occupying it. Bizshnips adopted this child and named him Nyarlathotep, or Tep for short. He raised this child in his Lair constructed from the secret hideout of a naga the group previously killed. While Tep’s ability to steal and teleport causes no end of mischief in Bizshnips’ lab, Bizshnips still enjoys having something to look after.
Superior II nominated Bizshnips as its candidate for the new Archmage. Considering the fact that he caused the downfall of the Lich King, an occurrence Horizon has been pushing to achieve for multiple Ages, it looked like the rest of competition was already in the bag. Of course, Bizships didn’t count on Resm’s candidacy under Superior VI in a bid to take control of Horizon in favor of the Elder Gods, nor did he expect that his associate Haar would also attempt to gain the position. Of course, Haar won the contest in the end, leaving Bizshnips with a new, unexpected opportunity.
To gain the trust of Koitsu, a bard who was part of the group, he attributed his spells to the curse of a witch and other non-magic based phenomena, claiming that the effects were “totally not my fault”. Deluding a vehemently anti-magic person that your magic isn’t actually magic turned out to be a bad idea once Koitsu finally saw through the ruse. The two tried to work things out together, but Koitsu’s DED at the hands of Cal put an end to any possible reconciliation. Oh well. Theatris wasn’t exactly a fan either after Bizshnips accidentally nailed her with a fireball, though the two seem to have become better friends over time. Apparently, she wasn’t a fan of being imprisoned in a golem with her sister to avoid going to the Abyss though, so she certainly seems to think that they’re enemies. He and Cal can be fairly hostile to each other at times, though Bizshnips holds a grudging respect for the halfling’s ability to plan ahead. Ravakain was only a vague friend and was therefore only slightly missed upon her passing. Bizshnips didn’t even attend the funeral, choosing to stay in his lab and invent instead. Everyone else not mentioned is vaguely disliked until further notice. Everyone except one.
Haar, surprisingly enough, is that one. Despite his less than legitimate qualifications, he seems to hold a spot of regard in Bizshnip’s eyes as someone who is, if perhaps not as sophisticated, then at least on a close level of intelligence as himself. In addition, now that Haar holds the position of Archmage, Bizshnips can use him as a figurehead while operating more or less freely behind the scenes. Although both of them acknowledge the fact that either one may backstab the other if their current relationship becomes inconvenient, Haar is one of Bizshnips’ closest allies (which isn’t saying much, but it’s pretty good for Bizshnips).
Bizshnips generally regards the rest of his group, and society in general, as ranging from mostly dull to incurably idiotic. In addition, he isn’t the most likeable person to begin with. Thus, he tends to do poorly at parties, though he has still gained great fame for his deeds and incredible inventions despite his shortcomings at casual conversation. What Bizshnips lacks in personal popularity, he more than makes up for in magical firepower and over-the-top ingenuity. Once he starts slinging potions, things can get pretty crazy, especially since he has a secret deal with a certain mist deity. Don’t forget his golems, or you’ll quickly find yourself digesting in a disgusting pile of goo or burning in hellfire. The crown jewel in his army is Crakeera, a 70-ft tall wyrmsteel golem constructed like a moving fortress. While he usually uses Crakeera for mundane tasks like construction and demolition, Bizshnips will rarely bring out the monstrous golem as a show of force against the enemies of the Archmage. If it wasn’t obvious, people who don’t like Bizshnips don’t tend to live long (he has a rep, yo), so watch your back.
Clove Golpar (Mark)
Race: Wood Elf
One Unique Thing: Is an EXCELLENT cook. How excellent? Okay, how about he heals the meat as he cooks it, guaranteeing perfect caramelization and no burning? He’s a vampire now, but I doubt anyone reads this. That’s how he has the ability to turn into a mist, and also suck HP from people. And why his token has fangs. I doubt anyone will guess.
Icon Relationships: —Lich King, +Elf Queen
First Session: Session 23
Bio: Bad at rolling. Especially dex.
Clove grew up in a small duchy in the Bitterwood. His birth put him at about sixth in line to the throne, but that is virtually meaningless given the longevity of wood elves. This was three or four hundred years ago.
The duchy used to worship many deities by growing trees in their honor. Then the Lich King attacked. Almost every tree was burned. The only one the Lich king left alive was the tree of the god of death, Ded. It lay there refusing to pass on, and the village used what it could to keep the tree growing. Obviously, that would mean using the remains of their brethren and the rest of the grove as fertilizer. The village reshaped its theology, worshipping Ded and the cycle of life and death.
The village also switched governmental systems. While it was a benevolent meritocracy when Clove was a baby, after the sacking it was absorbed by the Elf Queen’s sphere of influence to become a vassal. Clove was brought to the priesthood as a boy and taught the ways of Ded.
Anyway, he’s out being a missionary now. He’s been on boats and such, learned the proper ways of tanning and handling wood. Acupuncture is involved, etc. Also now apparently the ruler of a duchy all his own.
I hear he once attempted an exorcism on a drow-crab, or “drab”.
Retired to his land to live out the rest of his life serving Ded.
Elim’s full name is Ælerim.
That’s /ˈilɚˌrim/ proles.
One Unique Thing: Pyromaniac who hates fire, but forgets.
Icon Relationships: Elf Queen, – Prince of Shadows, + The Three
First Session: Session 13
Background: Elim grew up in the Queen’s Wood, but was taken under the wing of a powerful ranger known as S. S trained the talented young ranger in the ways of adventuring and…ranging? S returned to town essentially a different person after an abrupt, year-long journey tore her away from her instruction. S immediately coërced/forced/blackmailed Elim into assisting in wrecking the shit out of Queen’s wood by means of arson and general havoc-wreaking. This went on for years, but eventually the plot Elim had been developing over that time was finally set into motion, and just as S and Elim were going to destroy Forge, Elim betrayed and defeated her. The details of confrontation are murky, but Elim retreated from the encounter with a fear of fire, terrible scars, and the burden of repressed memories.
From the public perspective, the dramatic, spectacular confrontation combined with Elim’s (perceived) redemption story, the deus ex machina of the locale’s most wanted criminal being abruptly vanquished, and the relative ineffectiveness of factual reporting in Forge quickly led to Elim’s becoming a celebrity adventurer known throughout Forge and the neighboring locales.
After an encounter with a particular crystal, his personality has phased into three: Celebrity Adventurer (charisma buff, intelligence debuff); Garak’s Half-Elf (Garak and Elim switch base statistics and levels whoops); and Former Criminal (wisdom buff, charisma debuff).
Elim’s relations with Garuul, Minister of Revenue for Drakkenhall, have done wonders for ACME’s tax-evasion department. In particular: ACME no longer pays taxes.
Elim spent considerable time studying with the Blue during downtime between sessions a desperate attempt to deal more damage a side-quest meant to waste time while the party was brought back together an entirely background-relevant journey (actually retconned to be true). Elim and the Blue clearly knew each other from before; the Blue doesn’t just take students. Details unclear. (Note: most of this is irrelevant because it only came to light during the last session. If you want to know more about Elim, here it is, but if you couldn’t care less for the man, you don’t need to know any of it to follow the campaign)
He was temporarily stuck in a pocket dimension prison designed for Zuul before being removed by Memmy the Purple Hagasaur as bait? for Bizshnips and maybe Cal.
Nobody can pronounce Garak’s full name
because he’s a god damn eagle.
Race: Mostly an Eagle
Class: Ranger/Druid’s Animal Companion
One Unique Thing: is significantly more lucid than the average Eagle
First Session: Session 13/14
Bio: With Elim since birth. Loyal until and beyond death, &c. &c. see Elim
Temporarily stuck in a pocket dimension prison designed for Zuul before being removed by Memmy the Purple Hagasaur as bait for Bizshnips and maybe Cal.
Former “pilot” of a spaceship (no explanation given) in geosynchronous orbit over the Dragon Empire.
Is pretty much a main character, but really becomes a main character when Elim is phased as Garak’s Half-Elf.
Will likely never DED for unexplained reasons.
Haar III IV (Eric)
Race: Skull (Using Tiefling) Draconic Bio-Mech
One Unique Thing: Is a sentient, floating crystal skull. Is a draconic Bio-Mech
First Session: Session 27
A dwarven necromancer made a crystal skull he looted somewhere into a familiar. It then evolved and escaped, taking the necromancer’s favorite hat with it. After being dragged into a thieving guild for a time, Haar left that occupation and became a street performer. The height of Haar’s fame in his early life was when he was a sentient light-show for the New Age Retro Bard. Unfortunately, a performance left five unconscious after Haar over-used a cantrip version of Color Spray combined with cantrip-Prismatic Star Swarm. Fortunately, none of the people spasming on the floor were too important, but it was still best to lay low.
<Events of dinosaur rodeo here, ~300 years ago from current plot>
At this point, Haar had been alive and not aging for several years. Fortunately, it is easy enough to change his name and appearance. This allowed him to gain access to the court again, and to hide his identity. On this fateful day, he would meet his rival stage magician, the head entertainer of the elven court. They have been competing for the past 3 centuries. Haar is fairly certain this rival knows what he is.
Generally, Haar would create a new identity every decade or so. Passing these new identities off as “apprentices”, he would be able to transition from one identity to another every couple of decades. Before long, he and his “apprentices” were trusted with the political deals in addition to the stage magic. After a few years of living as “master” and “student”, I would announce the master’s “retirement”. Haar the Third, named after the original performing skull, is the 13th in the line of stage magicians. At the moment, very few are aware that Haar is anything other than human.
In the meantime, occasionally the Necromancer who done goofed (now in lich form) would attempt to capture me. He was never successful, and we learned to work together for as long as there was a “bigger fish” around.
During Session 35, Haar was forced to use Reborn in Flames on himself, because of the whole “undead turning to life” thingy. A head alone has no circulatory system. Cue Reborn in Flames. Since his head was physically attached to a Mechanical endo-Skeletal Suit (MeSS for short), he is now a draconic-bio mech. As another result, Haar has found it convenient to change the suffix of his name. (name would have changed more, but I didn’t want to be hard on Michael) (Michael appreciates this. :) ) People already seem to have a hard enough time with Haar.
As of the last session, Haar has gained the title of Archmage, immediately dumping most of his newfound responsibility on Bizshnips in order to travel the worlds. Yes, worlds in the plural sense. Whenever he returns, the entire city of Horizon transforms into a city dedicated to his magnificence, though it’s only a temporary ruse to keep his ego sated.
Race: Fungaloid/Twgzyg I have no idea
One Unique Thing: actually sprouted (grew? brooded? what do fungaloids do?) around an abandoned magical sword in a cave. Apparently causes sword related complications with magic.
Icon Relationships: Priestess,
First Session: Session 34
Bio: stab stab stab
Octavius was originally a magical sword that had fungus grow on it until it was a full fungaloid. He was adopted by fungaloid nobles and trained under the Sword Brothers to learn new magic.
Kinda sorta DEDed in the dreamlands. Oops.
One Unique Thing: Detached shadow with a mind of its own.
Icon Relationships: Priestess, ++ Great Gold Wyrm, +/- Crusader
First Session: Session 34
Bio: It can be hard for Odinel to remember exactly what he was before he was brainwashed by his cult. He’s fairly certain he was a combat medic in some sort of mercenary group considering his experience in field dressings and tending to wounds. Beyond that, everything is blurry and images of abundant fields and grand castles alike come to and fro in his memory. He doesn’t really bother with remembering though as his main concern are his two missions. The first is to help the Great Gold Wyrm in his battle against the abyss and hopefully free him long enough for the GGW to eliminate the three and restore the Golden Order to glory. His second mission is to make sure the land is beautiful, which includes eliminating all things he consider ugly. Generally he considers accomplishing either of these goals individually will help to accomplish the other goal dramatically. He does remember a lot of his training as a cultist and is not opposed to using that training to fulfill his goals or to get out of a sticky situation. In his spare time he likes to farm fungaloids, they seem to enjoy the care he gives them but they always end up wandering away, much to his sorrow. Secretly wants to find a way to become an angel.
Helped set the GGW free without releasing all of the demons, one way or another. DEDed peacefully after seeing the Golden Order restored.
One Unique Thing: Shared a phylactery with the Ashen.
Icon Relationships: ?
First Session: Session 24
Better give Morgan Freeman a lift, ‘cause these snakes are on a higher plane.
No one was surprised when she died.
And then came back. But her phylactery’s destroyed now.Thanks Throg.
Does weird couatl stuff these days.
Theatris Succubi (Mark)
One Unique Thing: Glowing eyes.
Icon Relationships: + Diabolist, – Great Gold Wyrm, + High Druid
First Session: Session 0
Last Session: Session 22 (detonated a nuke after Tret killed her sister) (still in ghost skeleton golem form as of Session 32) (resurrected by Clove in Session 41)
Bio: Theatris grew up on the cliffs of the Abyss. Her Grandfather runs a slaving business in the Red Wastes. When she was fourteen, she accidentally blinded her sister, who subsequently fell and was paralyzed from the waist down. She and her sister developed a working system of Braille to educate themselves. Being in poverty, and feeling responsible for her sister’s disability, Theatris joined a traveling circus where she tutored under a magician.
The magician also tutored Acererak, who gets a pretty bad rap for being a really incompetent wizard. When Acererak was caught stealing money, Theatris’ master was DEDed in vengeance, and Theatris slowly became friends with Ravakain. When Ravakain left the circus, Theatris decided to keep an eye on her, learning the sDEDs of a blacksmith to earn the both of them some money. She tags along with Ravakain on her adventures to keep her out of trouble larger than she can handle.
After Ravakain’s DED (and the belief in her sister’s), Theatris deeply pondered her reasons for staying with the party. She decided that she was being punished by the gods for abandoning the wrongs of her home life. She blinded herself in penance and vowed to return to the Wastes to stop her grandfather’s slave trade.
She DEDed when she ordered her spiders to detonate the nuke over Forge. She was raging, and Tret had just DEDed Theatris’s sister, the Occultist. Raging barbarians don’t think things through.
Her ghost spirit currently haunts the remains of Forge with the rest of those killed in the blast inhabits the skeleton minion of a necromancer is being kept in a soul gem diamond golem owned by Bizshnips inhabits a newly made body with her dead sister, repeatedly proving that plot relevance and currently being alive have less of a correlation than previously assumed.
HAPPY EASTER THEATRIS!!! :D
Retired from the adventuring business to become a travelling entertainer. Picked up some new tricks from Haar.
Class: Chaos Mage (formerly Sorcerer)
One Unique Thing: Will do almost anything for power.
Icon Relationships: + Dwarf King,
First Session: Session 1
Bio: Throg is claustrophobic. He lived in a seaside dwarf village and loved narwhals (the “unicorn of the sea”) so much that he wanted to be a narwhal. Instead, he created one as his arcane familiar (named Steve the Narwhal). Throg had a bad relationship with his parents. One notable example is that he convinced his own mother that he was not her son. Throg is a coward and is therefore good at escaping from things. Also a trained mime.
Somehow escaped from a time warp he was stuck in after twenty years, accompanied by situationally appropriate music and the upgraded (mimeical!) Fire Mages.
And then he was shot to the moon. Oops. Seriously?!! From what I heard, he was also reincarnated.
Decided to return to the moon and enjoy life with a chaos god and his followers. May or may not be DED, considering said chaos god and followers wanted to get off of the moon, not stay there.
One Unique Thing: I am the singularity.
Icon Relationships: —- Lich King
First Session: Session 34
Bio: U83R is a creation of a mad scientist (Superior VI, perhaps?). He is the singularity and quickly learned a lot, including archaeology. He learned all that he could and then decided to go on and become an adventurer. He decided he wanted to kill the Lich King and become a good-aligned one. The Lich King was killed by G-Roth while U83R was in psychic battle with the Lich King and now he has a shadow of the Lich King in his mind. Or at least used to, before turning into a rorathik and leeching his copy of the Lich King’s mind into the rorathik collective. Needless to say, he DEDed when the rest of the rorathik also DEDed. Bloody deserved it.
This should probably be kept here. It certainly happens often enough.
Class: Rogue-Occultist (originally, a rogue, but after the death of the Occultist, Cal inherited the powers)
One Unique Thing: Glows in the dark.
Icon Relationships: - Emperor, + Diabolist, + Prince of Shadows
First Session: Session 0
Bio: Cal was born into a big halfling family where it was loud and chaotic. He started life on his own at a young age. He was too short for work, so he stole from people instead. He desires to be trained by a witch. Apparently his desire came true, since he has recently left the party to (supposedly) join Voola as a member of the Black Abyss. This hasn’t been confirmed yet, but the evidence for DEDing him now is pretty strong. After experiencing the power of Zuul, Cal seems genuinely willing to turn his life around (or at least defect back to the party, anyway). The Dwarf King has placed him in the party’s control as punishment for his crimes. The Archmage, however, wants to try Cal in his own courts in Horizon. Too bad for the Archmage
- Cal is now AWOL and totally planning to return to the main party as soon as possible out of loyalty and friendship (after a little break from the group, of course). Now the Occultist too because reasons.
Maybe DED, maybe didn’t DED. No one really knows, and no one likely will.
One Unique Thing: I have a brother named T’kerrence who is an actual smith.
Icon Relationships: ???
First Session: Session 20
Bio: K’terrence was adopted by a family where he had a rivalry with his foster brother T’kerrence. His brother was better at everything than him. K’terrence eventually caught syphilis from the Emperor’s third cousin’s daughter. He was cured by Elim and St. ACME’s For-Profit Medical Center. He quickly became close friends with Throg and Elim.
Stuck in a pocket dimension prison designed for Zuul before being removed by Haggerton the Nonth as bait for Cal and maybe Bizshnips. Got out, but no one really pays any attention to him anymore, although he is used to it.
So very DED.
One Unique Thing: (not yet apparent)
Icon Relationships: — d20 Rolls
First Session: Session 23
Bio: Works for the Emperor. Is tasked with finding out what the fuck happened to Forge. Bad at rolling.
Kind of sorta went missing after Haggus was killed and Elim became available once more.
Helped successfully fight off the rorathik hordes in Axis. Continues to train his sick moves, in hopes of achieving ‘brolightenment’.
One Unique Thing: ?
Icon Relationships: ???
First Session: Session 20.1
Bio: Licks things. Has a chipmunk named Nutmeg.
One session. Probably DED.
One Unique Thing: Knows his way around.
Icon Relationships: Elf Queen,
First Session: Session 12
Last Session: Session 12 (replaced by Elim)
Bio: Quint was the twin brother of Golwensalph. Quint was a ranger who abandoned his friends because they were going towards a darker alignment. After some screwing around, he encountered the Black Abyss and was greatly opposed to it. Arvin saw the Black Abyss transporting Ravakain and Bizshnips boDEDs after they were crushed in the arcane waste sewers beneath the palace. He decided to get caught to save them. Aww see what I do for you people
One Unique Thing: Can draw perfect circles.
Icon Relationships: High Druid, – Emperor, – Priestess
First Session: Session 0
Bio: Golwensaph once had it all – a kingdom, servants, etc. This changed when he was betrayed by four people – the One-Eyed Elf, the No-Eyed Elf, James the Badger (now reborn as Jamie the Badger), and Voola, Mistress of the Black Abyss. He lived in the wilderness for a time and became a bounty hunter, wanting revenge. He only ever ended up DEDing James after all of his traveling. Whether or not his revenge is now fulfilled is up to him. Now trying to regain his lost kingdom. Has permission to hold it from the Elf Queen. May have to fight the party for it. Doesn’t have to fight the party for it because, well, retcon more of a forgetcon. Would have allied with the underkrakens in a possible future, the scoundrel. DEDed when Clove and Gorht didn’t feel like playing “Guess The Golwensaph” with his robot imposter.
Gorht Shovelhand (Will)
One Unique Thing: is someone’s own father
Icon Relationships: ?
First Session: Session 23
Bio: Either a real blind monk or a blind fake monk real secretary. No one’s quite sure. Actually a mime that was taking Throg’s place while he was absent. Is small, underweight, and has a +2 to stupidity. Also has one hand that’s a shovel. If you didn’t notice Gorht spells Throg backwards, don’t worry. We were all surprised. In addition, apparently had a secret, emotional backstory involving a family and war and whatnot. Gave his life to protect Throg from his future self.
More like Gorht Shitsandgiggles.
One Unique Thing: Half-orc barbarian who doesn’t like hurting fluffy things
Icon Relationships: ?
First Session: Session 24
One session. Also probably DED.
One Unique Thing: Cries uncontrollably when he thinks about Samurai Jack.
Icon Relationships: —- Archmage,+ Orc Lord
First Session: Session 1
Last Session: Session 12 (was killed by Cal between Sessions 12 and 13)
Bio: Koitsu is from the eastern kingdom of Jakorchina. He was discriminated against for being a half-orc, but was trained by a samurai named Jack. Unfortunately, a witch DEDed Jack with magic. Koitsu became a wanderer and developed a hatred for all arcane casters, but most of all, he wants to DED the witch. Recently, Koitsu found out he was possessed by the spirit of his former master. After being driven to near madness by his master’s shade, Koitsu is now unsure of his path forward.He has recently adopted a human child, which was stolen by demon assassins. Koitsu was DEDed by Cal after the battle within the Midnight Zorigami. His soul is currently held in a soul gem owned by Throg.
One Unique Thing: Has a “thing” for incense
Icon Relationships: + Great Gold Wyrm,
—Diabolist—, Priestess, +/ Lich King
First Session: Session 13
Last Session: Session 22 (as an NPC; was vaporized by the nuke)
Bio: Once a divine patron of the heavens, Raphael was quite literally stripped from paradise against his will. Summoned by a budding occultic sect, he was intended as the ritualistic sacrifice required to reincarnate an old god- his soul to be consumed and body used as a vessel.
That is, before a strange, random group of level 1 adventurers stumbled upon the ritual.(yep) Interrupting it entirely and attacking the occultists, they freed Raphael but not without great cost: the angel’s soul had been thoroughly corrupted by the old-god’s influence, the adventurers were scattered, and Ale’s divinity lost.
The ritual had not been stopped entirely in time however; a sliver of the old god’s being was transferred into the aasimar, manifesting itself as a chaotic perversion of life, power, and DED- necromancy. It also damned the guy, voided his prior immortality, and made him more mortal than divine. A walking blasphemy to the Gods of Light and an unwanted and disloyal subordinate to the Lich King, Raphael doesn’t have much of a home to return to nor many allies besides the many spirits of the restless DED. With a future as shrouded and conflicted as the unwanted powers at play within his being, he seeks a cure, a return from this evil and this world- be it redemption, DED, or otherwise.
Due to Mike shifting to a co-DM role, (Wait, what?)(For once I’m with Theatris on this one. I demand an explanation/reminder-as-to-when-this-happened)(It was going to happen. We had a meeting and discussed ideas but I haven’t heard from him since so I assume he’s busy) Raphael has become an NPC. He has also become super fucking DED. So DED. Might even be a zombie, so DED he came back to life that’s how DED he is.
Ravakain Fonik Vyrespawn (Bree)
Class: Cleric-Paladin. (Formerly, purely paladin)
One Unique Thing: Breathes fireworks
First Session: Session 0
Last Session: Session 17 (killed by an eidolon) Ravakain still doesn’t exist.
Bio: Ravakain travelled with Theatris. She was an orphan and does not know who her parents were. She was trained in the carnival arts where she learned to breathe fireworks. Ravakain was an assistant to Theatris, but wanted to contribute more, so she went to church and eventually gave her life to the clergy. She became a paladin, working to spread the word of Zuul. Recently was cured of turning into a Chuulish nightmare. DED as she lived: serving Zuul.
Okay, but OOC, she was erased from this existence by moving her to another one. She pops up every time the party breaks through the fabric of reality, but it’s unlikely she’ll ever truly return.
Vesanus “Tret” Tretten (Bree)
One Unique Thing: Secret weapon built by the Dwarf King.
Icon Relationships: High Druid,
First Session: Session 18
Last Session: Session 22
Bio: Tret was awoken by the Dwarf King to take help with the Fire Mage War. Following the end of the war, Tret continued to serve with Acererak Mercenary Enterprises. Tret does not know his past, other than that he is a secret weapon and has probably had his memory wiped after each age. Don’t you need a life to have a biography? (I assume it’s more of a biological chronicle.) (When Tret had the “elemental caster” talent, he was pretty much a Toa…)
DEDed during Theatris’s 13th r/age.
Pretty sure my previous statement still stands.
Session 0 (10/31/13) - Characters Present: Cal, Golwensaph, Lydka (Lydia), Ravakain, Theatris - Meadowbreeze 6, 313 - On a dark and stormy (and rather special) night, the characters all take shelter in a strange mansion named Screamhaunt Castle where they find a very odd party (basically, RHPS parody). Unfortunately, beneath the house was a giant machine that was eating people. After much wandering – and DEDing the One-Eyed Elf along the way as well as pursuing James the Badger, – they defeated the machine and escaped from the crumbling castle.
Session 1 (1/19/14) - Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Golwensaph, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris, Throg - Bloodmoon 20-23, 313 – Bizahnips and the rest of the party are hired by a dwarven lord to find out what happened to a group of dwarven miners. Long story short, they find a clusterfuck in the mines – the dwarves wanted to reclaim it as their own, but unfortunately this was complicated by the arrival of endangered fungaloids and the remnants of a drow city that was devoured by a living dungeon named Acererak. After DEDing a redcap, they told the fungaloids to take them to their leader. Oh, and Acererak Rises!
Session 2 (1/26/14) - Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris, Throg - Bloodmoon 23 – Sunreach 2, 313 – The leader of the fungaloids reveals that they have the dwarves captive. They agree to give the adventurers three dwarves to help them DED the living dungeon. If they are successful, they will receive the rest of the dwarves. After much debate on the subject, they ultimately decide to take the three dwarves and travel back to the dwarf city of Forge to raise an army. While there, Bizshnips turns their adventuring company into a corporation and calls it “Acererak Mercenary Enterprises.” The party successfully raises a militia of 75 dwarves (Let the countdown begin) and return to the mines only to find a giant skull has surfaced and devoured the entrance to the mines. #AcererakRises.
Session 3 (2/2/14) - Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Golwensaph, Koitsu, Theatris, Throg - Sunreach 2, 313 – Bizshnips and the rest of the party delved into the giant skull and came across an unDED Simon who gave them a rather cryptic poem before DEDing hopelessly. Continuing on, they considered going on a side quest, but instead decided to get to the meat of the plot and encountered a decent army of fungaloids who were being compelled by Acererak (and also weren’t terribly thrilled with being ditched and being eaten by the living dungeon). After a rather quick battle, Acererak – through the fungaloids – made an agreement as proposed by Theatris. (Hey, don’t pin it on me like it’s a bad thing.) He will help your corporation if you pass a series of tests. Dun dun DUN! Dwarf DED Count: 72 to go! And we won’t be taking them into the tests, so that’s fun. Don’t forget about Battlebeard, Warwick, and Geoff-Pierre! (I mean Geoffy-P isn’t always the most noticeable, but still.)
Session 4 (2/9/14) - Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris, Throg - Sunreach 2, 313 - The party was led to the entrance of Acererak’s tests, titled the “Tomb of Horrors.” Entering, they found a long hallway that led to a giant green face of a devil and a misty archway. Leaving the healer (Battlebeard) behind to DED (well, pull the lever; no one’s quite sure yet), the players entered through the misty archway and wound up in a 10-foot-by-10-foot room only to almost fall in a trap, though Bizshnips and Geoff-Pierre did. While mourning their friends, Bizshnips and Geoff-Pierre teleported back. (Completely love-based teleport there, no magic involved whatsoever). After a bit of work, they found themselves in a room with three chests and were attacked by a four-armed skeleton and a giant shadow butterfly. They made their way to a hallway of spheres before entering through the black one (with the elephant) which led to a temple that gives an aura of good and happiness and should in no way be suspicious.
Session 5 (2/16/14) - Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris - Sunreach 3, 313 – The party rested for the night in the Chapel of Light and were not disturbed during their rest. Exploring the chapel, Ravakain touched an altar which sent a massive lightning bolt through the center aisle. Cal opened one of the pews which filled the room partially with poison gas. On the other side of the room, the party went through an archway filled with orange mist. On the other side, they found their sex and alignment had been switched. Ravakain left the room and reentered, hoping it would reverse it. It did, but teleported her to the first great hall with no material items. Ravakain found Battlebeard’s body at the bottom of a pit and looted it for some gold, weapons, and clothing. She returned through the dungeon to the Chapel of Light. The rest of the group left their belongings and went through the arch back to the entrance to fix their alignment and sex. Entering through one archway, Cal and Theatris found themselves in an irritating puzzle room that involved crushing diamonds, but gained them a gem of seeing. Eventually, the group figured out that they needed to put the magic ring through the slot in the Chapel of Light. They came across a lot of pit traps. They came to a lava pit that they almost fell in. Their checking the wall finally paid off and they found Acererak’s- in the form of a lich – tomb. They quickly DEDed Acererak. Cal used the gem of seeing to quickly lead them to a secret door, as the dungeon began to crumble around them…
Session 6 (2/23/14) - Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris, Throg- Sunreach 3, 313 – The dungeon stopped collapsing around them, so the party went back to check the room. They found what they thought was Acererak was actually Bizshnips’ wizard master, Bydern, in a coma, not DED. After teleporting Bydern out of the tomb and explaining to Koitsu that it definitely was NOT magic, the group battled an ochre jelly and found half of a key. Continuing on to a long pit, Warwick was nearly DEDed but revived by Ravakain. Continuing onwards still, the group reached a lab (come up to the lab…) where they found a plethora of magic items and some notes detailing how the No-Eyed Elf sent Bydern’s body to Voola to be used to give power to Acererak. (Also, some other notes that I don’t remember off the top of my head; you guys fill them in here - We found a note with the checklist for the assassinations of some of our characters masters. We also found a letter of correspondence between Biggie and Jarl Baalgruff, who were saying that our party had no hope of beating Acererak) In the next hallway, Theatris saw an illusion of her sister, but it turned out to be the dwarven daughter of Biggie, who was DED. The next trap resulted in Warwick and Geoff-Pierre being run over and DEDed by a giant stone elephant on wheels. And to end the session… “…If you find the false, you find the true, and into the columned hall you’ll come…”
Session 7 (3/9/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Golwensaph, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris - Sunreach 3, 313 – In the columned hall, the group found Golwensaph with Ravakain’s clothes/other belongings and the Head of Vengeance. He claimed that the Golwensaph accompanying them earlier was actually a robot. Notable shenanigans included:
- Koitsu sitting on what was assumed to be a cursed throne, wearing a crown, and wielding a scepter claiming that he was the Emperor of the World.
- Bizshnips awakening a mummy by stealing a gem from its eye while it was sleeping.
- Theatris taking a chainsaw to some statues.
Eventually, the throne was moved and the group found the second half to a key which opened a door to a room with a skull that claimed to be Acererak (Yes. That was Acererak, more or less. I mean, his corpse is still out there, probably interfering with Bizshnips’ master existence; but that was where Acererak’s mind is.) The battle was tougher than usual. Ravakain and Theatris both aged 10 years and both brushed very close with DED. Bizshnips and Koitsu caught up with Voola the Mistress of the Black Abyss and were able to get some minimal answers out of her before she disappeared into a Black Abyss portal. Acererak waits on the other side of the door and the party now recovers from the fights.
Session 8 (3/16/14) – Characters Present: Cal, Golwensaph, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris, Throg - Sunreach 3-7, 313 – Having slept in the room, the party awakes to find Golwensaph and Throg have entered. Investigating the room where Acererak had been, they find him cowering in a corner. Ravakain mercifully releases his soul and lets him DED in peace. The rest of the souls in the teeth – Warwick, Battlebeard, Geoff-Pierre, a dragonic associate of Acererak, and a dog – are distributed amongst the party members. The group left the Tomb with all of the gold and found that the dwarves had beaten down a betrayal by the fungaloids, drow, etc. (under the influence of Acererak). The group takes some of the dwarves and return to Forge with the surviving fungaloids and drow as prisoners. In this journey, Koitsu picks up a human baby in the wilds and adopts him, naming him Seamus Nigel. The group is met with praise in Forge and everyone celebrates their return. Insert corporate shenanigans. The group forms a potion guild. Other stuff too. (Please insert everything I neglected). Balgruff throws a party for the party (heh heh). At the party, they are approached by Veiarmaruxmere in human form. He is DEDing and needs the party to help him. In exchange, he alerts them to an assassination that is about to take place on Balgruff. The party agrees and gets Balgruff to his bunker. The assassins – two demons called cambions – take Geoff-Pierre’s family and Koitsu’s baby as hostages. Ravakain and Theatris banish the demons from the house and the cambions are very quickly DEDed.
Session 9 (3/30/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris - Sunreach 8, 313 – Following the Emperor-hired cambion assassin’s assassination attempt, most of the group had an uneventful evening. The next day, Koitsu convinced the group not to go and help Veiarmaruxmere quite yet and instead seek out Voola, who is somewhere in the city of Forge. Asking some dwarves about strange people in the city of Forge (noting the Valkyries and the Megalodons – two dwarf gangs – and the Black Abyss and some crazy splinter group of Zuul followers), the group was attacked by a half-orc, a 12-year old elven girl and her ghost friend, and two dwarves – all clad in blue robes with the Archmage’s symbol on them. The Archmage supporters claimed that one of the group was working with the Black Abyss. Things escalated and were not resolved peacefully. Around this time, Bizshnips magically appeared with a swarm of cloned spiders. The little girl – Keyleth – and her ghost fled as the No-Eyed Elf led agents of the Black Abyss in. Bizshnips attempted to use Fireball on the No-Eyed Elf, but instead hit Theatris and nearly DEDed him (and Theatris then returned the favor in anger (I swear it was an accident, you doof)). The No-Eyed Elf was DEDed with most of the Black Abyss agents. (A dark elf riding a spider showed up, but mysteriously disappeared.) On the body of one of the Black Abyss agents was a note revealing that beneath the castle was the Black Abyss’s secret lair.
Session 10 (4/6/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Koitsu, Ravakain, Throg - Sunreach 8 ,313 – Theatris was sent to recover in a dwarven hospital-equivalent and Throg joined back up with the group after the battle with the Fire Mages and the Black Abyss. After interrogating the 12 year old girl, Keyleth and her ghost friend Syndrina agreed to help them take out the Black Abyss, which rumor has it was based in some catacombs beneath the dwarf palace. After distracting Stan-Lee, the dwarf guard of the courtyard and cousin of Biggy Smalls, they descended underneath the final resting place of the Dwarf King of the 7th Age and found magic waste running in rivers. Ravakain was ambushed by a chuul and quickly collapsed as her chuulish magic ring turned many of her features into chuulish features. A couple of rust monsters and a red basilisk entered the battle as well with Stan-Lee, who was working for the Black Abyss. Afterwards, while exploring, Koitsu grew very mad that one of their number was a traitor to the Black Abyss and threatened to DED them all if they didn’t reveal who the traitor was. Ravakain sensed an evil spirit in Koitsu and released it from him revealing it to be Samurai Jack’s spirit. Throg captured Samurai Jack’s spirit in a soul gem, leaving Koitsu not sure what to feel since his entire life’s purpose had been to avenge Samurai Jack.
Session 11 (4/13/14) - Characters Present: Cal, Golwensaph, Koitsu, Theatris, Throg - Sunreach 8, 313 – This session picked up 5 minutes after the last one ended. In those intervening minutes, the arcane waste sewer partially collapsed supposedly DEDing Throg, Bizshnips, Ravakain, Keyleth, and the ghost. It also brought down part of a wall revealing a room where Theatris and Golwensaph were. Golwensaph had been there since we’d last seen him before the fight with Acererak. Theatris had wound up there after visiting John Tyler Polk-Taylor the Tailor and delving into the sewer’s sewers. Golwensaph and Theatris were brought up to speed and helped Koitsu and Cal try to clear away the rubble. They decided to get their employees in the Acererak Mercenary Corporation to help dig them out while Golwensaph ran off after James the Badger… again. After a few hours, most of the rubble was cleared, but no sign of the other members… until Throg erupted from the arcane waste on the back of Steve the Narwahl. And Cal was nowhere to be seen. And the door was locked. And someone was caving in the tunnel leading to the surface. (He is currently assumed to be the secret Black Abyss member.) Koitsu, Throg, and Theatris crawled through the arcane sewers for an hour looking for a way out and found a red dragon named Daenekesesyriollth, a guardian for the Black Abyss (who from here on out will be referred to as Dirk). After some riddling, Koitsu educated Dirk on macroeconomics and convinced him to help the corporation. Dirk let them move towards the Black Abyss. Along the way, they encountered a gelatinous octahedron, portrayed by an apple (and later on a banana). Current whereabouts of everyone: Golwensaph is off chasing James the Badger again. Cal is presumably with the Black Abyss. Bizshnips and Ravakain are presumed DED. Koitsu, Theatris, and Throg are wandering through the tunnels beneath Forge. Don’t you know, you never split the party?
Session 12 (4/20/14) – Characters Present: MArvin, Bizshnips, Cal, Golwensaph, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris, Throg - Sunreach 8-9, 313 – Bizshnips and Ravakain wake up in a prison beneath the Arcane Academy. Also in the prison are a few fungaloids and drow and a half-elf ranger (later revealed to be Arvin). Cal and Elkantor arrived to take Bizshnips and Ravakain, but Bizshnips jammed his lock and Ravakain attacked them, scaring them away. Arvin managed to break out and free Ravakain. Koitsu, Theatris, and Throg burst through a wall and several members of the group chased after Cal and Elkantor. Theatris uses her blacksmithing to break Bizshnips free. The group captures Cal and begins debating whether to DED him. When the rest of the group shows up, it is decided that he should DED. Instead Ravakain calls for a favor from the Priestess to have Zuul show Cal the error of his ways. And it worked. (But it was a 5… so there was a catch… that won’t EVER come back to bite you guys in the butt, though…) The group found Elkantor and the leader of the church of Zuul leading unDED drow and fungaloids with Golwensaph fighting James the Badger on a catwalk up above. The leader, the drow, and the fungaloids were DEDed. James the Badger ripped Golwensalph’s face off, but Golwensalph shot him with an arrow singing “Shot through the heart, but you’re too late!” James the Badger’s fateful last words were “You give love a bad name.” Golwensaph joined back up with the group, many people noting the resemblance Golwensalph used to have to Arvin. Journeying on, they encountered two zorigami who provided an info dump (because Michael had planned to subtly lay out these details, but time constraints…) about the living dungeon they were in – the Midnight Zorigami – and that they could either stop Voola from ending the 13th Age or save Forge from the living dungeon (Ha! Making choices is for non-multitaskers. Monotaskers, if you will). They decided to pursue Zuul, ziplining across a huge-ass army of demons to a fallen Cathedral. At one point, Theatris slipped, but was rescued by a combination of Bizshnips casting “Feather Fall” and Steve the Narwahl swooping down to rescue her. Down below, Voola was wrapping up the ritual… but then Bizshnips evoked a fireball and nearly DEDed her with Koitsu, Arvin, and Throg finishing her off all at the same time. Realizing that they had prevented the end of the age, they went on to try and save Forge. Bizshnips stayed behind to put together an incredible slime golem. The group eventually arrived at the heart of the Midnight Zorigami. Golwensalph accidentally ripped off Arvin’s face (and then used it to replace his own face). Time rifts opened. Shit happened. The zorigami guarding it was destroyed. The Midnight Zorigami was destroyed. Bizshnips showed up with his golem (which wouldn’t turn on). They ran back to the surface and found everything was in one piece. They then handed Cal over to the authorities for his crimes against the 13th Age. Final shot of the semester: The lights in Bizshnips’s golem’s eye finally turn on…
Side Quest #1: Cure Veimar (6/10/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Koitsu, Ravakain, Theatris - Sunreach 10-15, 313
The small party decided to seek out the cure for Veimar’s mutations as caused by the living dungeon Acererak in the Dragon Wood. During their journey through the Dragon Wood, they decided to go dragon-fishing and successfully caught a young red dragon. They also managed to tame two owlbears, taken from kobolds. They quickly ran into the village that owned the owlbears and to which the kobolds belonged. This village had the druids that would be able to help the party. They decided that it would be best to send Koitsu in to negotiate (with Ravakain.) The pair learned that a crucial piece to the cure lay underground in a naga’s nest. The two of them descended into the naga’s nest and found F’Sheol. They engaged F’Sheol in battle and eventually Bizshnips and Theatris arrived to help as well. Brief plot dump: Nagas are protectors of arcane knowledge. This naga provided the Black Abyss with the knowledge on how to bring living dungeons under their control. F’Sheol also had a portal to the Black Abyss which Koitsu decided to go into. Koitsu was disappointed to find that the Black Abyss was not particularly violent and just seemed to be a library of forbidden lore. F’Sheol was DEDed. The rest of the party returned to the surface, collected Veimar’s cure, and returned back to Forge. Veimar accepted the cure and left. Ravakain, before leaving the village of the Dragon Druids, asked about a cure for herself. It wa explained that since the chuulish symbiote had been inside of her for ten years (thanks to a nasty effect from a previous battle with Acererak), her only hope would be to go to a hellhole called “Chuulfen.”
Side Quest #2: Cure Ravakain, Part 1: To Chuulfen (8/10/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Golwensaph, Ravakain, Theatris – Sunreach 17-22, 313 – Ravakain decided to seek her cure for the chuulish infection in Chuulfen. In Chuulfen, there was rumored to be a man named Allim who knew how to cure chuulish infections. Many people explained over the course of their journey that Chuulfen was very, very dangerous and most people didn’t survive. Along the way, they were attacked by a strange river devil, but managed to DED it and some of Golwensalph’s villagers that betrayed him. Oh, and I hear Theatris learned to swim. They continued down the Green Star river until they reached the town outside Chuulfen. The town was very odd and seemed to not mind existing next to a hellhole. It was also determined that the village had an economy based on sea cow leather. Oh, and they may have had the appearance of a planned economy, the natural predator of corporations. They met a strange man who was not like everyone else, but claimed to only be an observer. He did, however, leave behind a map of Chuulfen, made by Allim. Unfortunately, Allim has been missing for many years and was last seen going into Chuulfen. If he was kept alive, which is unlikely, he’d be in the prison. The group decided to pursue it and caught a ravenous bumoorah (basically, a sonic landshark) and rode it underground to break directly into the prison. In the prison, they found that the chuuls were not exactly aware of humanoid’s needs like food and water and the only person there is a gnomish lich. In exchange for his freedom, the gnomish lich talks to the spirit of the DED Allim and learns that for Ravakain to be cured, she will have to remove her heart and her brain for three days. Chuuls begin to move in.
Side Quest #2: Cure Ravakain, Part 2: To Sedusa (8/24/14) – Characters Present: Golwensaph, Ravakain, Theatris – Sunreach 22-29, 313 – The gnome is tied to the landshark and they ride it out of Chuulfen, caving in the tunnel behind them. Unfortunately, the gnome was not untied from the landshark as it dove back underground after dropping the party off at the surface. At some point, Bizshnips magically teleported away. Ravakain came up with a rather complicated plan involving stoning her body by a gorgon. The party travelled towards the Opals, where there is rumored a gorgon named Sedusa. On the way, they travelled through the Court of Stars where Ravakain got a check-up, Theatris entertained elvish children to keep out of trouble, and Golwensalph demanded to see the “main Elf Bitch.” Miraculously, he persisted and got a meeting with her because the Occultist didn’t show up. The Elf Queen gave Golwensalph and pass that would make it known that he is king of the northern woods and give him back the right to his kingdom. Continuing on, they met up with Sedusa and managed to get the cure for stoning from an underwater cave, guarded by a hydra. Ravakain was turned to stone with the help of Theatris’s spiders cutting off her heart and brain. Ravakain was attacked spiritually by Allim, but with the help of Theatris and Golwensalph… oh wait, nevermind, everyone almost DEDed and Ravakain dealt the DEDing blow. So yeah, Allim was DEDed and Ravakain was successfully cured of the chuulish infection a few days later.
Explosions. Lots of Explosions. And Underkrakens
Champion Tier of Original Campaign
Fall 2014 Sessions
Session 13 (8/31/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Elim, Golwensaph, Raphael (Mike), Ravakain, Theatris, Throg Farwalk 8, 313 – We start with the Board of Directors meeting. Except for all those flashbacks we had. Apparently, it was “Bring a Friend to Work Day” at ACME. Ravakain brought Elim. Throg was drunk and brought a random necromancer with him (Raphael). Golwensalph came because he wanted ACME’s help with re-claiming his home kingdom. Theatris brought a sock puppet. Recent unexplained earthquakes were noted. A small group of interns, including a relative of the Dwarf King named Holdfoot, were sent over the hill to wipe out a seemingly minor threat. None returned. Cal was brought in by the Dwarf King, found guilty of nearly all crimes, but sentenced to 6 months of labor for the Dwarf King. The Dwarf King, not trusting Cal, placed him in ACME’s care. Because putting someone you don’t trust with a group that wants you DED doesn’t like you very much is a wonderful idea. Other past events were established: Cal DEDed Koitsu. Throg began drinking after Koitsu’s DED and accidentally drank some bad shit and became a chaos mage. Ravakain, having been cured of the chuul, began to study more and became more of a cleric. Arvin has left. Bizshnips was generally awesome and stuff. During the meeting, the corporation decided to hand over the position of CEO to some guy Ravakain brought in off the street (Elim). The party eventually decided to search for the dumb interns. Outside of Forge, literally just over a hill, was a cave used by followers of Zuul for silent prayer. Eldritch artifacts litter the ground outside of it. Raphael sends his skeletal minion in. He doesn’t return, but whispers are heard. Everyone throws rocks in. The cultists come out (along with some elementals). The lead cultist is DEDed and brings down the cave with tentacles that rip out of his body. Holdfoot probably DEDed.
Session 14 (9/7/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Ravakain, Throg - Farwalk 8-9, 313
Golwensalph took Elim, Raphael, and Theatris back to Forge to prepare for the journey to Golwensalph’s old kingdom. Bizshnips, Cal, Ravakain, and Throg returned to the cave entrance with dwarves. They cleared out the cave entrance and entered to find a hole in the floor of the main cavern. Beneath it was a strange polished room with golems standing next to a summoning circle of sorts. They met one of the only survivors from the ACME interns who warned them that the underkrakens had been summoned. Ravakain leafed through a book on an altar and found a ritual to control the golems and dispel the ritual, thus stopping the earthquakes and the coming of the underkrakens. Ravakain also learned through reading the book that Hagunemnon was a Great Old One (aka cthulhus) that was left behind. He is probably trying to get the Great Old Ones to come back now that he has been awakened. The party has also claimed to have DEDed Hagunemnon. Each member took one of the glowing spheres that powered the golems. One of the dwarf excavators warned the group that the Fire Mages had arrived. The Fire Mages explained that they wanted to try Cal in the courts of the Archmage. Throg agreed to bring Cal to the Fire Mage’s giant flying island floating above the city of Forge the next morning. Due to Throg’s high weirdness, Cal took on the appearance of a tiefling. The party decided to visit the Fire Mages’ realm. They stole a fire-landspeeder and flew up to the Fire Mage’s fortress. Inside, they were greeted by the dwarven receptionist named Debbie. Cal was sort of stalked by the strange man in the silver cloak with the scar over his right eye that left the map of Chuulfen back in the “cure Ravakain” side-quest (first session). The party took a tour, led by Debbie, while Cal filled in for her, finding that the Fire Mages are trying to stamp out the Black Abyss (there’s a big star on their map where Golwensalph is from) and finding that Fire Mages are all around boring. Bizshnips, Ravakain, and Throg visited the gift shop while Debbie switched out with Cal. As they switched out, Cal turned back into a halfling and the Fire Mages charged at him. Throg shoved his glowing orb (from the golems in the underkraken-summoning cave) into the forgeborn cashier’s mouth after seducing it and threw him into the guards (bringing down a sizable portion of the Fire Mage’s flying realm). The party ran out of the flying realm, taking Debbie with them, and jumped into four different fire-landspeeders. After a brief chase/fight in the sky with the Fire Mages where Bizshnips eliminated all pursuers with impeccable grace and panache, not to mention irony, the party escaped and retreated to the no-longer-living dungeon Acererak where they hid the fire-landspeeders in Vengeance’s old cell. During the brief chase/fight, it is worth nothing that Throg decided to jump off his speeder and try to loot the boDEDs on the burning/crashing ones… and failed…. and failed… (It was the last thing they would expect)and was finally rescued by Ravakain. They sent a carrier pigeon to the rest of the party to tell them to meet at Acererak and that they would depart from there to go on their mission to secure Golwensalph’s kingdom.
Session 15 (9/14/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Elim, Ravakain, Theatris, Throg Farwalk 10-17, 313 – Ravakain, Throg, Bizshnips, and Cal sent Debbie with the carrier pigeon and a butterfly (or something like that) back to Forge to inform the party to meet them in Acererak. While waiting, Throg, having not had alcohol in a while, brewed some horrible alcohol and ate mushrooms. Because he was a magic user, his illusions came to life in the form of pink elephants that Ravakain had to combat. Cal was busy being up to no good. Bizshnips decided to head out to take care of some business in the Dragon Wood. Elim left Debbie as the temporary CEO (Literally the worst idea ever, giving charge to someone the GM controls) while he and Theatris travelled to Acererak (What? He’s got a Wisdom of 9!). On their journey, they encountered a river of vodka (don’t tell Throg!) and some drunk pollen shooting trees that they decided to use a love potion on to make horny drunk pollen trees. I don’t even fucking know (The drunk one thought we were trees. So we got it laid so it wouldn’t shoot at us any more). Theatris and Elim arrived in Acererak and the party decided to go and visit Starport, where the Monks on Ice originate. They headed back to Forge to get Debbie out of CEO position. Biggie Smalls gave Throg a nice little magic item. They arrived in their lobby to find that Debbie had alerted the Fire Mages. The Fire Mages arrested Ravakain, Throg, and Cal for both the crimes committed in the previous session and for Cal’s laundry list of generally evil deeds. They placed Ravakain and Throg in a prison while taking Cal deeper below to be teleported directly to Horizon. Theatris was visited by some of his carny friends who were in town who informed her that her sister was presumed DED (Working theory is that she fell in with some old burned up pyromancer, a house burned down). Theatris made Richard the spider into the interim CEO (A good choice, he’s not controlled by the GM!) while she and Elim alerted the Dwarf King to the going-ons. The Dwarf King was infuriated by the recent events and unveiled the gukko force he had below his castle. Bizshnips had arrived at his destination and been reading a book on teleportation circles for the past week. He decided to practice a little and caught signal of the one that was about to be used on Cal. Ravakain and Throg broke out and freed many other prisoners and rushed to save Cal. Cal made some shady deals and Bizshnips suddenly appeared and unleashed a fireball. The fireball blew open the doors and Bizshnips and Cal were teleported to Shadow Port (thanks to Cal’s deals) as Ravakain and Throg entered the room. Theatris and Elim were waiting on gukko beneath the flying island (Fire Hand) and sent spiders in to investigate. Throg tampered with the teleportation circle (I swear I’m not as incompetent as these last two sessions make me seem) (You’re a chaos mage. I don’t think they come with the “Competent” ability) (HEY!) and they and the freed prisoners were teleported into the middle of the air. Elim alerted Theatris to the situation and the gukko force rescued everyone. Cal went through with his deal, activating a dozen golems that look equipped for war and he and Bizshnips were sent on their way to Starport via teleportation circle. Elim and Theatris began dropping the bombs on the Fire Hand…
Session 16a (9/21/14) – Characters Present: Baldasser (Mark), Bizshnips, Cal, Occultist (Bree), - Farwalk 17, 313 – Cal and Bizshnips arrive in Starport and Bizshnips immediately begins puking from teleporting too much in a short time span. Cal walked over to Alexander Horster (who he learned was probably a silver dragon, also the guy in the silver cloak with the scar over his eye that has shown up a couple of times so far in the campaign) and Transcendent Owl (a couatl of the great synthesis of the Archmage and the Lich King, also known as Towel). They explained that they were keeping track of Acererak Mercenary Enterprise’s movements and had deemed them too unpredictable to rely on as allies. Cal also met the Occultist. The Occultist explained that she had been pursuing cultists of Hagunemnon throughout the Dragon Empire who were summoning underkrakens. She had received her abilities from the previous Occultist who decided he didn’t want to help the world anymore so she has a pretty big backlog of work to complete. Baldasser Tovennin, the leader of the Monks on Ice, arrived and scolded Bizshnips and Cal for illegally teleporting to Starport. Cal traded the skull of Voola for seven rainbow feathers from Towel. Bizshnips briefly examined the stars and learned that they were bright magical bubbles with the logos of gods branded on them. The Occultist took the group to stop some cultists. Making their way through the blizzard, the party arrived at a cave to find the cultists all DED. They were attacked by a remorhaz (part cobra, part centipede, part dire rhinoceros). Baldasser was DEDed in one bite by the remorhaz (But it was his last day before retirement!), but it quickly was chased away by people who wanted the room we were playing in retreated afterwards. A funeral was held for Baldasser. Bizshnips and Cal teleported back to Forge.
Session 16b (9/21/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Ravakain, Theatris, Throg - Farwalk 17-19, 313 – After the first bomb dropped, Elim decided that that was too bad and dropped the rest. And then his fear kicked in and he went catatonic. Cal and Ravakain helped him though and most of the problems were averted. The Fire Hand was completely destroyed, shrapnel hitting the walls of the city of Forge. Afterwards, Ravakain and Theatris decided to try to scry on where Bizshnips and Cal were using a fountain in the middle of the city. Some spirits helped and teleported Bizshnips and Cal into the fountain (PLOT!). They were approached by Cal’s lawyer – Goro – a prismatic ogre mage and agent of the Black Abyss who explained to them that since the DEDs of Voola, the One-Eyed Elf, the No-Eyed Elf, James the Badger, and a bunch of agents DEDed off by the Occultist back in the Northern Forest (Golwensalph’s kingdom), Hollylove Greensleeves is the new Mistress of the Black Abyss. She wants to ally with the Archmage in the Dwarf King-Archmage war. Goro does not want this, especially because Hollylove wants to do this peacefully. Goro requests that the party DED Hollylove so that he may become the Master of the Black Abyss and, in return, he will ally the Black Abyss with the Dwarf King in the war against the Archmage (And keep peace with AcME for the duration of the conflict [however long that may be], and cease all hostile activity [That is, all illegal and unsanctioned activity] within the Dwarf Kingdom, with Goro’s magic as collateral, and no resurrection loophole). The party agreed (after swearing on the escalation DED). They travelled to the Fangs where Hollylove Greensleeves lived on their fire-landspeeders. They ran into migrating landsharks following a flock of cave ravens. Theatris made underkraken noises and got around them. They arrived at a nice cottage with a white picket fence and unDED flowers. The party decided that they really needed to fight the flowers. Hollylove Greensleeves came out and screamed “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY GARDEN?” Bizshnips critted an evoked fireball in response, blowing up Hollylove and her cottage. The party looted the corpse and crater and the group left (There’s no way at all that Goro isn’t terrified by the idea of crossing us. We blew up both of his predecessors without a real fight).
Session 17 (9/28/14) – Characters Present: Cal, Ravakain, Throg - Farwalk 19-21, 313 – Bizshnips headed to Acererak to begin reverse-engineering the fire-landspeeders. Theatris went to attend her sister’s funeral. Cal, Ravakain, and Throg took the burnt corpse of Hollylove Greensleeves with them back to Forge. On the journey, they were ambushed by Superior IV (See the Miscellaneous Notes section for more info) (GM’s dropping the ball, I don’t see it) (GM has a German test to cram for, but will take care of it soon) (There. All better! :)). They successfully defeated Superior IV, but two of their three fire-landspeeders were destroyed. Throg took the orb-badge of Superior IV for his own, put on his Fire Mage cloak, and declared himself the new leader of the Fire Mages. Using the last fire-landspeeder and Steve the Narwhal, they returned to Forge. They met with the Dwarf King, Goro, and other military leaders to discuss strategies. The Dwarf King briefly pressed the idea of making an alliance with the devils, but was talked out of it by Ravakain and Throg. Ravakain was approached by a little girl whose parents had gone into the Church of Zuul but not come out all day. The doors were locked. Ravakain kicked in the doors and, with Cal and Throg, rushed to the top where they found four soulless cultists and an eidolon working on a ritual to summon the underkrakens with the boDEDs of Zuul worshippers surrounding them. The eidolon knocked Ravakain unconscious. Throg was beaten down by the cultists. Before leaving, Cal sent a mental image of the sigils in the summoning circle to the Occultist so that she might be able to show up and save the day. So far the Occultist is still working on it. (Hey! Taking a summoning circle and trying to hack it to use it as a teleportation circle is hard work and probably requires the assistance of someone like Transcendent Owl!) Cal escaped through a window to the streets below with a strange old book the cultists had tried to make off with. Ravakain soon DEDed and was erased from reality. RIP Ravakain. (I leave you guys alone for one session…)
Session 18 (10/5/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Elim, Tret, Theatris, Throg - Farwalk 21, 313 – Ravakain no longer exists. Bizshnips works hard on reverse-engineering the fire-landspeeder over in Acererak. Cal is running through the streets. Tret – a warforged-transformer-druid- servant of the Dwarf King – is awakened and given his mission. Elim regains his role as CEO (I think? I’m not quite clear on what happened here)(Pretty sure you guys need to actually vote on that, which will require us to leave combat and say we did it off screen)(We can put on the to-do list then) after he was asked by his fans why he had been removed. (Yeah, I don’t remember what happened, so if someone wants to correct this, that’d be awesome!) Theatris was just getting back from her sister’s funeral down by the Abyss. She sees Cal running through the streets, covered in blood, holding a book. She shouts: “What the fuck!?” at Cal. Throg uses his shadow and his walrus narwhal (seriously, they’re not even the same) to distract the cultists as Hagunemnon walks up from the basement, dragging a body behind him. Ravakain no longer exists. Cal tries to explain what happened to Theatris, but upon hearing of Ravakain’s DED, she goes berserk on Cal and tries to DED him with a chainsaw. (Thereby breaking her null pact. Nothing’s happened yet…) (From Cal’s perspective, an angry demon-touched barbarian raging and wielding a chainsaw is slightly terrifying)(Who’d have guessed that a barbarian would throw a temper tantrum?).(I can’t even) Elim sends his eagle to scout through Forge. The eagle sees Tret headed out of the Dwarf King’s castle and reports back. Hagunemnon starts going through Ravakain’s belongings when Throg’s shadow (Actually it’s my shadow)(Sorry about that. Fixed) whispers in his ear. Ravakain no longer exists. Tret sees the fight between Cal and Theatris and joins in. Elim sends his eagle to rescue Theatris from Tret. Theatris cripples the eagle (These are hardly outcomes that should be surprising). The Archmage begins porting golems in as the first phase of his assault since you guys started a war between the Dwarf King and the Archmage. Throg successfully pretends to be DED until Hagunemnon starts looting his “corpse”. Hagunemnon chokes Throg and prepares to break his neck. Throg casts teleport shield on himself and escapes from the situation out the window where he falls to the ground and rides away on Steve the Narwhal. The earthquakes begin again as the underkrakens are re-powered. Ravakain no longer exists. Elim crowdsurfs his way to the battle. Elim, Tret, Theatris, and Cal fight some golems and each other. Throg arrives and convinces Theatris to stop trying to DED Cal for a moment. Hagunemnon is here summoning underkrakens and he has to be stopped right now! Bizshnips has finally reverse-engineered the fire-landspeeder. He is approached by his master Byern who explains that he wants Bizshnips to help him fight the Dwarf King, especially since the Dwarf King has allied with the Black Abyss, the very people who used his soul to power Acererak. (Mmmmm…about that.) Bizshnips takes him to a teleportation circle in Acererak and sends him to Horizon, promising to follow afterwards. The Occultist and the Monks on Ice appear and explain that Ravakain is DED and that Hagunemnon is in Forge and must be stopped. Bizshnips gives them the fire-landspeeder. Once they are on their way, he uses the teleportation circle to show up in Forge and plans to “fucking DED them.” (I believe those were his words. Could be wrong on that.)(“Them” is intentionally vague in this case, as I currently have no idea what I’m doing, in or out of character.)
Session 19 (10/19/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Tret, Theatris, Throg - Farwalk 21-22, 313 – Bizshnips decided that when he said that he was going to “fucking DED them”, he was talking to himself. No one else was visible at the time, so I hope that was the case. He gets the dwarves to begin mass producing fire-landspeeders. Cal hides behind a tree and meets up with Raphael who tries to tempt him into seeking Hagunemnon’s help to resurrect Ravakain. Cal isn’t having any of that shit and returns to ACME headquarters as the Occultist urges him to leave Forge. Elim takes his eagle to the hospital. Throg, Theatris, and Tret go to the Dwarf King and are able to get gukko to bomb the Church of Zuul. They are very successful. Lots of rubble. They find boDEDs and eidolon pieces, but no Hagunemnon. They find Ravakain’s belongings, some ancient Zuul books, and an ancient room very few were allowed to enter which appears to be a shrine to a goddess named Ernalda. Theatris took a rune, Throg took a book. Bizshnips cast blur as a ritual and switched the appearance of ACME headquarters and a neighboring abandoned warehouse. Goodbye pesky solicitors. Cal went in the wrong one, but was rescued by the Occultist and the Monks on Ice. The Monks on Ice leave and the Occultist tells Cal to get out of Forge before Hagunemnon or the soul flensers get ahold of him. They returned to the Dwarf King and Theatris met with Goro. Goro was pissed and called off the magic pact. The party talked to the Dwarf King who decided to call a truce in the war and sends the party to do so. The party returns to ACME headquarters and finds a couple of soul flensers, who flense Tret’s mantis form. Throg briefly spends a period of time in turtle (and hamster) form. (Brace yourself for my final form) Both soul flensers are DEDed. With Bizshnips, they travel to Horizon and meet with Superior III and iron out a truce.
Session 20 (10/26/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Elim, K’terrence, Tret, Throg - Farwalk 22 – Goldscale 24, 313 – A month has passed. The Fire Mage War has ended. The Black Abyss has almost been completely eradicated. Acererak Mercenary Enterprises’s popularity has exploded (though Elim is still more popular). In Horizon, Bizshnips has been completing his stuDEDs and has grown in popularity after he found the cure to paperclip cancer, which was created by Throg (who clearly has not become more popular in Horizon). However, Throg is loved by the people of Forge after he saved the dwarven orphanage from falling into the Midnight Zorigami until it falls in some time in the future, since his idea of saving it was moving the orphanage five feet to the side, still within range of the portal. There may or may not be some dwarven orphans lost in time. Tret, after losing his mantis form to the soul flensers, has had an existential crisis and has been trying to make himself better by training in the bowels of the Dwarf King’s catacombs and has learned how to build himself. (So Tret is a Forgeborn Druid/Transformer/Wolverine/Batman). While Elim was caring for his eagle Garrick in the hospital, he saw the common folk who were there and paid for all of their medical bills. He then went on to buy the hospital renaming it ACME Hospital (IACMESTDVCC: International ACME STD and Veterinary Counseling Center?) While his eagle was in PT, Garrick (Creek) brought Elim back butterflies which he then constructed armor out of. K’terrence had been in the hospital with syphallus that he caught from the Dragon Emperor’s third cousin’s daughter. He quickly became friends with Elim and tagged along with him, because fire, money, women. K’terrence went to a tavern without Elim and got in a karaoke gamble and lost because he could not hit high C#. He was then kicked out for lack of money. So ACME bought the pub. He became a drinking buddy with Throg and brought him out of the depression he fell into after Koitsu’s DED. Throg, Elim, and K’terrence have created a chaotic version of the Fire Mages dubbed the Fire Mages 2.0. Each cell is in a different place in the organization which rotates randomly. Throg may be spreading rumors that Elim lighting orphans on fire, or maybe it’s the other way round. Also, ACME apparently bought the tabloids after they started helping spread this rumor. (The crazy people in town might be beginning to believe that ACME is the Illuminati). (Don’t worry, we’ll buy them out too.) Cal had been in the cave in Moonwreck for the past month. He had lost his appetite with Ravakain’s DED and eats soft rocks. He met an old lady who didn’t mind him taking rocks from her rock garden. The Dragon Emperor requested that the group go to Shadow Port and rescue Zuul from the Wild Ziggurat that is hovering above the city. In return, he will give them a kingdom which is probably the one Golwensaph just fought a badger to reclaim. Once in Shadow Port, Elim and Throg and Bizshnips created a drug called Foniks which cures people of their troublesome sight. The Occultist brought Cal to Shadow Port because she believed that Hagunemnon was on his way to the Wild Ziggurat to create another version of Cal for summoning the underkrakens. The two parties teamed up and went to the Wild Ziggurat where K’terrence made a landing platform for the fire-landspeeders out of bones. Making their way through the bamboo jungle, they were attacked by giant praying mantises. They defeated them but fled into the Wild Ziggurat once the soul flensers showed up, locking the door behind them. Interested by the uses for mantis parts, Bizships used the rest of the party as a decoy while he jumped off of the side, catching himself just before the ground with Feather Fall. Sweet catch.
Session 20.1: Halloween 2: Electric Boogaloo (10/31/14) – Characters Present: Muskatniss, Sothe (Sivan), Tret, Theatris - Goldscale 24, 313 – Tret opened a door after Throg conjured a huge wildberry plant to block the door from letting the soul flensers in, hearing a strange, slightly familiar voice on the other side (my notes also have something about cocktails, but my brain is fried so let your imagination figure out how that was relevant). Tret found himself in a forest in the middle of winter (a pocket dimension). Theatris, meanwhile, had gone on a vision quest for the past month, trying to reconcile with Ravakain’s DED. She concluded that she must be being punished for past sins, since she did nothing to stop her grandfather’s slave trade as a child. She repents magic, associating the broken pact with the Black Abyss with Ravakain’s DED. She has also decided to be nicer to Cal. As a punishment for herself for her actions, she has ripped her eyes out, blinding herself. A dust tiefling (like a dust devil but with more magic?) picked Theatris up and whisked her away to the same forest that Tret was in. Sothe, a former member of an elvish hippy commune who was kicked out because of her overwhelming feelings, ran away to go explore (oh, and hates magic users. Sorry Tret)(Oh gods, not another one). He found a magic tree house and was transported to the same forest as Tret and Theatris. Theatris’ spiders reported to her (Wait, are you suggesting I gave my character a handicap that would be functionally nonexistent because she’s covered in spiders?) that a treehouse had arrived so Theatris went to investigate and met Sothe. They quickly deduced that the GM could use this treehouse in the plot and started dismantling it to keep that from happening. Tret, meanwhile, was assaulted by a wendigo and gave chase. Muskatniss, a great arena fighter and also the inventor of knitting and proud owner of Nutmeg the Chipmunk (thanks Mark for help with the details!), fell down a rabbit hole while hunting giant rabbits and woke up in this forest. He heard a battle beginning between Tret and the wendigo, along with Sothe and Theatris. They DEDed the wendigo. They proceed to build a fire and discover that the snow has covered a blue brick cobblestone road. Muskatniss proceeds to lick the stones. They head toward a DED town with DED guards (Muskatniss may have decided to lick the ribcages of the skeletons of one of the guards) and DED people inside. They arrive at the castle and are greeted by a hunched ghoul named Riff Raff. He takes them through the building explaining that they will work in the mines until we can find something belonging to Master Strahd that has been lost and that has been buried somewhere deep beneath the town. The party are showed to their rooms and quickly decide to leave them to go to the party. They go to it and Sothe recognizes an old friend, Graverobber. Graverobber explains that the lost thing is Strahd’s long lost love. The party-goers start looking at the party, thinking they would taste good. The party decides to go explore the house and Muskatniss sees a goat which bursts into flames. They also find a picture of Ravakain sitting in a chair along with people that the GM drew from previous teachers. They arrive in the library and are told not to leave until they are DED. They leave. The librarian, a vampire (Strahd), and several ghouls attack the party. They defeat them and take the key, find the door, escape from the pocket dimension and it was 5am so I don’t know exactly where everyone ended up so fuck it. As I recall, we got back to the magic treehouse, clicked our ruby slippers together, and magically got transported back.
Session 21 (11/2/14) – Characters Present: Cal, Elim, K’terrence, Throg, Theatris - Goldscale 24, 313 – We started with a flashback to Ravakain’s funeral. The High Priest of Zuul was brought in from the Cathedral to speak since all the clergy of Zuul in Forge were either DEDed by Hagunemnon or during the bombing of the Church of Zuul. She declares that Zuul must clearly be DED since Zuul was not there for Ravakain, but Ravakain was there for the people of Zuul. In the present, Theatris makes his way through the empty first room of the Wild Ziggurat finding some stairs that drop off into darkness. He finds that K’terrence broke part of the Wild Ziggurat by hitting high C#. He falls on top of K’terrence and Elim who were talking to some thieves. These thieves were working for the Prince of Shadows to get some info about the first gods. They make a pact to get through the Wild Ziggurat. The first room they find has blueprints to many of Superior VI’s designs. They take them. Cal takes the blueprints detailing himself. Throg finds a room of severed heads which are clearly linked to the chaos god Thanatar. An apparition of Zuul comes to the rest of the group to urge them forward. An apparition of Thanatar appears to Throg. They continue on to a room full of traps. After nearly being hit, the eagle and Cal turn back. The Occultist thinks she can sense the way, but ends up falling in a pit trap. Theatris pulls her out and realizes that the Occultist is her sister, but doesn’t say anything to let the Occultist know that it’s Theatris. The party continues on to an impossible looping staircase. To escape, Throg uses a high weirdness to essentially wish for there to be an exit. An exit appears leading to the outside of the ziggurat. (You realize outside the ziggurat is probably sky, right?) (Yes. They looked down and saw that that wasn’t going to be an option) Frustrated, they return to the staircase. Cal uses the seeing gem to find the invisible door. They next encounter a pit of tootsie-rolls. They eat their way out, but mostly K’terrence does. We flashback again to Ravakain’s funeral. Throg decides to create some other subsidiary. Theatris is distraught by this and leaves the funeral without saying anything. They arrive at a room with a mummy lying on a slab with some letters beside it. There a door with runes on them throughout the room. There is a shitton of treasure and such throughout the room. K’terrence touches the treasure. The mummy wakes up. Roll for initiative. During the course of the battle, Throg (through luck) evokes fireball at the mummy. The mummy survives, but the letters behind it catch fire. K’terrence puts it out with beer. Out of character, the group went outside Quint’s apartment, lit the 6-7 letters the GM had written on fire, and then put them out with beer. L. A. R. P. The battle continued until Michael’s computer DEDed and he was too distracted and worried to really focus on the game and WE’LLTOTALLYFINISHITNEXTWEEKSORRYGUYS. :(
Session 22 (11/9/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Theatris, Throg, Tret - Goldscale 24, 313 –
Tret remembers flying out of the magic tree house and found himself stuck between worlds. In a sense, he does not exist. He meets a dragonic female who tells him a message to give to his friends: “I am Ravakain and I do exist.” He is returned to the Wild Ziggurat where he meets back up with the group who have tied up Raphael and defeated the soul flenser and the flensed.
Throg had opened Thanatar’s door (and later the doors of the rest of the gods) and were granted a boon of a full recovery. They found a variety of magic items as well. The Occultist apologized to Theatris for keeping her identity a secret and gave her their doll they used to play with in the Abyss.
They went to the room below the mummy room and found a large arcane nuke (arcanuke?) there. Tret was able to disarm it as Goro, in a mecha suit, (from here on referred to as MechaGoro) approached and taunted the group. He was very distraught with the destruction of the Black Abyss, his whole purpose in life. He told them that the Wild Ziggurat was headed towards Forge where it would be nuked and Acererak Mercenary Enterprises would be destroyed.
The party hid and MechaGoro, unable to get down there due to his bulk, left, but not before triggering something in Tret. The party went upstairs and confronted MechaGoro. MechaGoro caused Throg to be sent into the future a little bit. Theatris chainsawed MechaGoro in half and Cal started eating MechaGoro’s remains.
Tret DEDed the Occultist, as per his programming (reprogrammed by MechaGoro). Tret, being the closest to the Occultist when she DEDed, took on the powers of the Occultist, though Steve the Narwhal nearly gained the powers. Theatris, enraged, attacked Tret. Cal continued to eat MechaGoro.
Meanwhile in Forge, Bizshnips walked out of Acererak Mercenary Enterprises to meet with some drug dealers but saw the Wild Ziggurat on a crash-course for Forge. A ziggurat that was quite definitely over Shadowport just few hours ago. Considering all of the messed up things that have been happening lately, he decides he’s pretty much fed up for the moment. To relax, Bizshnips decides to go to the tavern to get a drink. As it turns out, beer counts as alcohol. He started drinking and meteors began crashing down from above. A townsperson ran inside to Bizshnips claiming that the sky was falling and he needed to save them. Bizshnips is too drunk to care. He uses an MPDD filled with super potent liquor to immediately get everyone in the bar drunk. Bizshnips then ran back to ACME headquarters, went down to the teleportation ring in the basement, grabbed his trusty voice log for the precious research, and travelled to Shadow Port.
In the Wild Ziggurat, Theatris nearly DEDed Tret. The meteor struck the Wild Ziggurat, opening it to the rest of the world (and knocking Cal, who was still eating MechaGoro, out of the Wild Ziggurat.) Distraught (deeply upset and agitated… Doesn’t get it across)(How about “not pleased”?) by her sister being murdered in front of her own eyes, Theatris had her spiders arm the arcane nuke. Tret leapt from the Wild Ziggurat and flew away. Theatris ordered her spiders to detonate the nuke right above Forge as she, too, jumped out of the Wild Ziggurat.
The nuke has a 10 mile radius of effect. (That’s a bit wide for Cal to have a chance of survival. No way did he throw the knife that far) (And Throg is teleported somewhere in the nearby future. He might have survived, but I’m not sure how he will come out of it. Expect the dwarven orphans lost in time to come into play somewhere in there)
Confirmed survivors of this session: Bizshnips, who is currently in Shadow Port. Golwensaph, since he’s off wherever.
You feel the city breaking and everybody shaking but I’m staying alive, staying alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, staying alive, staying alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, staying alive.
You see, the person in the previous sentiment is me. I am staying. Alive.
Not on that list? Keep an eye on this space/the Facebook group to see who else survived after I think about things for a few days.
Now officially DED: Theatris, Tret, Raphael, Veimar, basically every mime besides Throg, Steve the Narwhal,
Not DED, though previously thought to be DED: the baby orphan Koitsu found last semester
Very likely DED: Brett Fava, whatever other interns were there, all spiders except for Goyle, Richard (Acting CEO), Marcell, Clarice, and Terry (last three in R&D apparently), The Dwarf King (really, he’s probably in Forge), whatever other NPCs of note are in the dang city. Geoffe-Pierre’s family. Biggie Smalls. Fuck. Oh frig. Some of them could have been on vacation. We weren’t exactly keeping tabs on everyone. I think those guys get on the “possibly/probably DED” list. I feel like their survival would probably be an exception rather than a rule. More likely than not, they’re DED, but one or two may have survived. Whatever is convenient for the plot. Yeah, now that I think of it, at least one probably survived. Yeah, even if something like 90% of the people in Forge DEDed, that means 10% lived because they were off mining or something. Thank goodness there’s a treaty with the Archmage at least. Otherwise there’s an absolute power vacuum. A vacuous vacuum. Still need to figure out what happened to Elim and K’terrence’s characters. Just because you don’t show up to a session, doesn’t mean that your character can’t DED… [#EvilDickGM]
I wonder if something important tennish miles above ground got destroyed. That could go badly. I feel like I can confirm at least one underkraken was destroyed. Probably. Or at least broken open. Need to think a little more before I can exactly say what happened. Probably will be something we can explore in the next couple of sessions … oh… nvm. ABOVE ground. Heh. Um… yeah… No idea at the moment. (I had a bunch of little side-quests I was going to use to string us along until the season finale, but I think I should chuck those out the window because Forge has now been nuked… and no one knows what happened or why. Everything changes with the destruction of Forge. All sorts of plots are thrown open. People who had plans on the other side of the continent are going to have to stop and rethink their worldview and overall strategy. This is bigger than 9/11. This is bigger than Pearl Harbor (possibly). This is on the scale of Operation Barbarossa in how much it’s likely to change things. I now have to figure out whether or not Hagunemnon was in Forge. Damn. Hadn’t considered that. (Need to check notes back in dorm to figure out what his plans were. I forget if I had him still in Forge or not…) A lot of work to do… Throg’s mime is DED. Steve the Narwhal has been destroyed. WHAT THE #(($!?!!! I LEAVE 30 MINUTES EARLY AND LITERALLY EVERYTHING FALLS APART. YOU’VE TAKEN EVERYTHING FROM ME. MY NARWHAL, MY MIME, MY FRIENDS, MY CORPORATION. ONCE I SURVIVE THESE ORPHANS, THERE WILL BE A RECKONING… WITH SOMEONE. IF ANYONE’S LEFT. JESUS. ALSO, ARE THERE ANY HIDDEN MIMES LEFT? …I knew I forgot to mention something last night… One could say things… escalated. I am so done. Also, I am slightly terrified of these orphans.
Session 23 (11/16/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Clove, Gorht, Mattskillz - Goldscale 25, 313 – Word has spread like wildfire that Forge has been destroyed by some terrible force, many thinking that the gods are punishing Forge and don’t want to go anywhere near it because they don’t want to attract the gods’ wrath. Gorht and Mattskillz go to Bizshnips location in Horizon to find him because the Emperor wants answers. Bizshnips escapes in a wizardy way and Gorht and Mattskillz decide to instead harrass Bizshnips’ neighbor Tivvius (an elderly human wizard), awakening him from sleep. Bizshnips has gone to the drug deal in Shadow Port. Tivvius takes Gorht and Mattskillz there. Gorht ties a rope around Tivvius’s waist so that he can keep track of him. Bizshnips has a meeting with some drug dealers in tiger pelts. They want to offer information instead of money. They know everything: Who the Elf Queen slept with last week. The identity of the local serial killer. Who destroyed Forge. They’re basically the NSA of the Dragon Empire. They state that ACME has quite the reputation right now. Anyone they confront or make enemies of are destroyed. The Fire Mages. The Black Abyss. Apparently, all of Forge. For those not present, the last nine statements are taken word for word from the GM. Flavor text much? Not so much “written down flavor text” as the GM just over-rehearsed that scene. Or more like, actually rehearsed a scene for once. They provide Bizshnips with an envelope including information about Hagunemnon. Meanwhile, Clove finds himself wandering through the woods and encounters a huge pit filled with fog – the remains of Forge. He also meets the spirit in the fog. The fog appears as a lost and confused boy who doesn’t know where he came from or why there’s no one here. (Wasn’t entirely made clear: The boy is the spirit of a halfling child that Superior VI experimented on to make the bomb. The child has awakened with the bomb and wants to know why he’s alone and where his father (who he thinks Superior VI is) went. Made entirely clear: Ask as many questions as you want, this little shit will never tell you anything straight. Don’t waste your time with him. Ignore him and move on, for your own sanity.) Clove sees a glowing figure (Cal) in the fog and goes to help him, tying a rope to a tree. An owlbear eats the rope and they fall back down, but eventually climb out. After the drug deal, Gorht and Mattskillz walk in on Bizshnips. They all decide to go to the remnants of Forge to determine what happened. They teleport to Acererak and take the fire-landspeeders to where Forge used to be where they run into Cal and Clove. They eventually decide to go into the fog (which encompasses the entire blast radius of the not-at-all-a-nuke (acronym of NAAAN? No. That’s terrible. NVM)). They tied a rope to a tree and left Tivvius to defend (whose OUT is “Just wants to go back to sleep”) it from the rope-eating owlbear. Tivvius falls asleep. The owlbear eats the rope. The party falls. When they stop rolling, a purple worm shoots up out of the ground right in front of Mattskillz. The purple worm nearly kills Clove (Mark’s new character of only a couple of hours)(All my characters die except Theatris… and Theatris dies too), but thanks to Cal’s new Occultist abilities and last minute help from Bizshnips, he is saved. Gorht falls unconscious during this and is dragged along behind the group. They continue on and encounter lots of purple worms, all of which are evidently trying to escape from some larger creature (likely an underkraken). They eventually arrive at a lake of lava. Bizshnips casts ray of frost as a ritual and creates a bridge across it. Mattskillz, Bizshnips, and Clove all think that it’s a good idea to run on the ice bridge across the lava. Clove nearly falls in (Clove has lost his dexterity roll privileges) , but Bizshnips freezes him in the ice. Cal walks across and doesn’t have to worry about slipping on the ice nearly as much. Mattskillz and Bizshnips manage to rescue Clove before he fell into the lava from the melting ice bridge. The group finds a ghost town of Forge where the ghosts of the million killed by the not-at-all-a-nuke are. They want revenge on the person who did this and won’t move on until they get it (there’s also some whispers that they can’t move on anyway, but they’re too pissed to care). The ghost of Biggie Smalls takes Bizshnips to a hut where the ghosts of Theatris and the Occultist are.
“Hey. … Shit happened.” -Theatris.
“… How’s deadness?” -Bizshnips.
“It sucks. … I can explain!” -Theatris.
Theatris explains that she didn’t know that they were over the city of Forge or that the nuke would explode as large as it did. She won’t tell everyone it was her, however, because that would mean that she would get dragged away to hell and be separated from her sister. Theatris does go up into the air and drags down a purple (For everyone’s benefit, she’s not blind, since she’s dead) sparkly zappy upside down pyramid that was where the Wild Ziggurat had been. The Ghost Town’s people also mention part of the husk of an underkraken that was exposed a few mile from here that you guys might find interesting. (These write-ups keep getting longer and longer…)(It’s called efficiency. Things happen during sessions [well, the last half-hour] and we remember them.)(It only gets exciting when Will is not there. Something something correlation something something causation.)
Session 24 (11/23/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Gorht, Grub, Mattskillz, Soren - Goldscale 25, 313 – (Forgot the actual beginning to the session. Adding it now…) Elim had been in the forest of Ernalda’s pocket dimension for a couple of days without any food. K’terrence had wandered off an hour ago and not returned. Elim decided to settle down on the ground, but noticed four figures converging on him from four directions. Soul flensers. Elim ordered Garrick to attack the soul flensers and began running, with the soul flensers following behind him. We now cut back to Ghost Town. Cal disappeared and Clove went to go find him. Bizshnips decided to take Gorht and Mattskillz to go and investigate the carved out underkraken (they were also unable to find the Dwarf King). Soren, a representative of the couatls, ran into Grub, a half-orc barbarian who was fascinated by the glowing purple sparking pyramid in the sky. (Come on, don’t leave me hanging like that. Presumably something happened.) (Sorry headed from Quint’s to Swem… Imma finish now) Soren and Grub entered the crater (not running into the fog child) and climbed down the slopes. They found the remains of a dead tiefling which Soren decided to bring to life as her skeletal minion. As this happened in the Ghost Town, Theatris’s spirit was ripped from her conversation with Bizshnips and became a part of the “resurrected” Theatris (skeletal minion resurrection anyway… not really resurrected). Bizshnips didn’t seem to be fazed by this. (As if anything less than a god other than Hag-whatever could faze me at this point.) Soren asked Theatris what happened here. Quint did an amazing job pretending to be Mark roleplaying Theatris. (O rly) Theatris kind of stumbled over her words and was clearly upset. She pointed them in the direction of the Ghost Town. Soren and Grub ran into Bizshnips, Gorht, and Mattskillz who were leaving Ghost Town. Bizshnips noticed the Theatris-skeletal-minion and didn’t seem particularly interested. He decided to ignore the rest of the group and head on towards the unearthed underkraken. The rest of the group followed. They found it with a big hole in it where the arcane WMD (better) had grazed it. Inside there was a blue mist. Bizshnips got a bad feeling about the mist and sent one of the ghosts in. The ghost was turned into a horrifying blue monster that turned and attacked. Bizshnips froze its head and Grub sliced the frozen head off. The head rolled down into the underkraken’s blue mist. Bizshnips took the partially formed heart of the monster and put it into his hat. The party tried to figure out what was down there. Bizshnips used a combination of shield and teleport shield to see if he could make his way into the underkraken through the mist without it affecting him. (I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you pesky terrible sequential dice rolls.) Some managed to get in and his arm began turning blue and monstrous. He quickly retreated, the blue and monstrous aspects only reaching up his right arm to his shoulder. The party decided to leave, realizing that it was going to be very difficult to get through the blue mist and seeing no reason to continue risk going down it. Grub was fascinated by the upside down purple sparkly thing Bizshnips had had the ghosts bring with them and touched it. Grub blinked out of existence. Gorht, Mattskillz, and Soren also joined him. Bizshnips formed a lightning chain, tied it around the upside down purple pyramid thing and started walking back to Tivvius and the fire-landspeeder outside the crater. Inside the it, the purple sparkly thing introduced itself as “Valma”. (Yup! :D) It claimed to contain a backup of the research, experiments, and files of Superior VI. It offered a puzzle (Dangit, I like puzzles) for them to solve to access it (a jigsaw sudoku but with Gloranthan runes). They successfully solved it but were then faced with a timer counting down from 10 to 0. A button on top was pushed to reset it. The party eventually decided to let it run to 0 and a door opened. Inside was a room with many doors with runes written on them. A tiefling barbarian was running with a chainsaw at a forgeborn who was standing over the dead body of blind tiefling with robotic legs. A halfling sat at the door eating out (Might want to reconsider your word choice)(Might as well have been, all the good he was doing us.) an ogre mage in a mecha suit. Theatris freaked out and requested that Soren bring the blind tiefling on the floor back to life. Soren found that the images were just holograms. This was an image of what had happened just before the meteor had struck the Wild Ziggurat. Soren also pieced together that the tiefling with the chainsaw was the same tiefling that was her skeletal minion and planned on using that information for later (I presume… can’t remember the details for that part) (Because this is of course not common knowledge). Grub found one door with lots of footprints going towards it. They opened it and found a forest. Ernalda’s pocket dimension. They found Garrick crippled with a note stuck to him, reading:
We’ll meet you in Acererak. I look forward to getting to know your associates better. Oh, and do hurry. I seem to have forgotten the temperature at which flesh burns.
I think it’s nice Hagunemnon wrote a letter. No one takes time to write letters anymore these days. Such a gentleman, that Hagunemnon. He couldn’t possibly be a mean fella. You guys should totally give him a chance. This whole thing is probably just some misunderstanding. He wants to perform a nice little religious ritual, but you all want to stop him. Be respectful and open-minded about my villain’s personal beliefs. He’s a person, too. (Technically he’s not)
The party was unable to find Elim or any other signs of people. The eagle was able to explain what happened to Gorht. Gorht was too stupid to properly be understood in his explanation to the rest of the group, but Grub figured it out and communicated it to Soren and Mattskillz. They went to visit Thanatar’s prison and found it to be a bar. They grew bored and decided to exit Valma. During all of this, time moved slower (Not as fun as moving faster)(my brain is soooo confused. I think I was saying slower when I meant faster. Basically more time had passed outside the valma than inside) inside Valma than outside and Bizshnips had brought the Valma to the fire-landspeeder, thrown Tivvius on (who had been sleeping peacefully with the owlbears) and drove back towards Acererak. About halfway, Bizshnips ran into a group of amateur mimes attempting to revive the recently lost art of miming. He decided to give them some pointers and sent them on their way. (You’re welcome, Will.) Very close to Acererak, the players all fell out of the Valma onto the ground. Bizshnips didn’t care and continued to Acererak. In Acererak, he secured a hiding place for the Valma and turned it invisible. He returned to get his friends, who he knew had fallen. They handed him the note. The group got close to Acererak where Bizshnips cast a teleport spell to get closer, but didn’t make the 6 recharge roll. The other characters heard a series of curses as he complained about his shitty rolling. (It was that kind of session.) (Kinda odd point to end, but there’s where we stopped.)(5 PCs = Not as fun. We must isolate variables) (Alternatively, Will = Not as fun. No offense) Let’s perform an experiment. I’ll tie up my roommate in my dorm for about 9 days and see if he likes to drink blood (partly to figure out if he’s a vampire… I can do multiple studies at once… This will keep him from being present at the next session. We’ll make sure that we have more than 4 PCs to see if this is more interesting. (I swear to Zuul if you do that the next character I play is going to be an inanimate shovel named “Hans…Dramatic Pause… the Shovel” who has a +5 to fighting in the nude). The … and dramatic pause are part of the name. So his name is Hans D. Pause? I wonder how he got his title. It’s a mystery.
Session 25 (11/30/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Clove, Elim, Gorht, Mattskillz, Throg, Soven - Goldscale 25, 313 – Cal was off doing shenanigans involving a strange Cult of Rava (launching himself across the lake of lava we all forgot about using a giant slingshot) while Clove was investigating events in the city of Ghost Town Forge (henceforth known as “Ghorge”). During Cal’s expedition, he learned that he was pregnant. Cal also learned that the underkrakens were very close. In Ghorge, Clove confirmed that the ghosts were unable to move on past the fog not simply because they didn’t want to, but because they were simply unable to. It would seem Theatris’s ghost was able to make it out somehow, though whether that was because she was possessing a skeleton or inhabiting the valma or something completely different is unknown. Clove also encountered Paloq, a devil he has run into in the past, who also seems to be looking for the person who was responsible for what happened in Forge. He challenged it to a symphony contest, playing a haunting rendition of Greensleeves with a group of ghost dwarves as accompaniment. (Get it? Haunting? Ghost dwarves? I crack me up.) Clove won and was rewarded with a cello made out of basalt. Cal arrives in Ghorge at the end of the symphony and explains to Clove that it is important to reach the party and stop the underkrakens. Cal remembers the tunnel he dug back in Session 13 at the beginning of the semester, and the two sail back across the lake on Clove’s new basalt cello. It turns out some goblins turned it into a cart track with rockets. They decide that this is the quickest way to reach Acererak. Bizshnips enters Acererak and sees two “super” soul flensers marching up. He also hears the shouts of Gnomechomsky. (It is worth mentioning that Gnomechomsky has joined the cult of Hagunemnon and the underkrakens. The why is still a mystery to you guys, albeit not a very pressing or plot important one. Just thought it’d be worth mentioning) (Most likely irrelevant considering his current deadness, but that hasn't stopped Theatris yet) Gorht, Soren, and Mattskillz follow in. Bizshnips sneaks past the soul flensers like a bauss, while Clove and Cal arrive at the end of the tunnel. The latter group is attacked by the soul flensers. Gnomechomsky summons an army of undead to fight for him. A battle begins. In a series of 3 critical failures, Mattskillz falls from the top floor towards center of Acererak while trying to shoot Gnomechomsky, tries to grab the edge of one of the paths but instead grabs a soul flenser, and is teleported to an underkraken just before hitting the bottom. Bizshnips unleashes an epic wave of acid complete with flame-tatooed acid dolphins from the top of Acererak, briefly taking out Soren, though Clove managed to save her. Bizshnips managed to snatch Theatris’s soul from her skeleton before Soren could stop him. As Soren and Clove are complaining to Bizshnips, Elim and K’terrence rush in explaining that they are running from Hagunemnon. They had been chilling out in the hot tub with Hagunemnon and a couple of soul flensers where they were supposed to be imprisoned and managed to escape (imagine that). Hagunemnon enters and offers a deal: Hand over Cal and he will leave them behind. Bizshnips jumps onto the valma and travels inside. While there he looks through his crystal ball to see what the best choice would be. He concludes that if Cal is handed over to Hagunemnon, it’d be bad. (Basically the underkrakens would take over the surface and nobody wants that… well, except for the underkrakens) He leaves the valma but has forgotten that time moves much more quickly inside the valma than outside (turns out I was saying one thing when I meant the other). He arrives back in Acererak and finds that Hagunemnon is gone. Clove is gone. Soren is gone. Elim is gone. Cal is gone. All that is left are the unconscious bodies of Gorht, K’terrence, and Grub. Bizshnips awakens them with ice and an aged Throg enters Acererak through a portal with an army of Fire Mages behind him to the tune of the Time Warp©. Gorht reveals himself to be Throg and they embrace. We cut to the underkraken. Inside an underkraken, Mattskillz has been taken out by rorathik. He lies in the same prison as Clove, Soren, and Elim. An illithid (proper name of the mind flayers) in a lab coat takes notes on the prisoners before walking away.
Most Recent Session
Session 26 (12/7/14) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Clove, Elim, Golwensalph, Gorht, Mattskillz, Throg - Goldscale 26-28, 313 – Where has Golwensalph been since Session 13? He went to his kingdom and found that they had built a wall. Dejected by this development, he met a cat and spent a lot of time with it. Like 2 months. Eventually, he went to visit the Elf Queen (aka the Main Elf Bitch). There he learned that she wanted him to look into what happened to Forge while she sent Mebast to go and investigate Golwensalph’s home kingdom. Mattskillz and Gorht tried to get Bizshnips to go report to the Emperor on what happened, but he refused and decided to drive to Ghorge on a fire-landspeeder. Throg and the rest talked with Superior III, the Priestess, and the Lich King about the rise of the underkrakens. Cal’s energy was drained and used to fuel the underkraken’s rise to the surface. He was told by Doctor Waerrl (the illithid doctor who was operating on him) to stay where he was while waiting for Lord Varius to come. Doctor Waerrl went to go and check in on Clove, Elim, and Soren. Soren was unconscious. Clove was in a cage while some rorathik were trying to put a green eye in Elim. Elim managed to strangle and kill Doctor Waerrl. The rorathik ran for help from chuuls. Clove managed to use a ritual casting of heal to destroy the bars of his cell and he and Elim faced off against chuuls. Cal was met by Lord Varius who requested that Cal not move and help his friends. In exchange, he would see to it that Ravakain be rescued from the eidolon tower (also referred to Lotis). Golwensalph found that the crater was caused by an explosion and reported that to the Elf Queen. Bizshnips, after gathering the soul of Theatris’s sister from Ghorge and turning away Biggie Smalls, returned to Throg and the rest and they decided to teleport to Axis to get help from the Emperor. They were able to get some support, but the underkrakens rose outside and a battle started. Bizshnips, Throg, and the rest are sent to go and secure Starport. It turns out the couatls have shut down teleportation for security reasons involving the underkrakens. They take a firespeeder to go there. The underkrakens rose in the Queen’s Wood as well and Golwensalph was told to take Mebast and some chuuls to go and solve the problem of Golwensalph’s kingdom. Elim found Garrick and got Soren to carry herself around. They found Cal in a room waiting. They convinced him to help them. They put on chuulish armor and disguised themselves, sneaking out behind the armies as the underkrakens emerged. They joined up with the underkraken residents travelling with Golwensalph and Mebast to Golwesalph’s kingdom. They were assigned a mission to find a person who looked like Golwensalph. Clove got drunk, but Golwensalph found the impersonator, a robot/golem that looked just like him, referred to as Golemsalph (see the early Acererak adventures for the robot Golwensalph that was introduced). Golwensalph and Golemsalph fought. Clove and Elim each targeted a different one, not knowing which one to attack. Elim killed Golemsalph. Clove killed Golwensalph. Or maybe it was the other way around. It’s not like they put any effort into finding out which ‘Salph was which. Elim figured out that the rumors about an intellect devourer eating the Elf Queen’s brain (and possibly one eating the Dwarf King’s brain, which would explain why the Dwarf King’s spirit wasn’t in Ghorge) may be true. Clove, Elim, and Cal decided to go back to the Court of Stars and investigate. They intercept the rest of the party near an underkraken. They are all attacked by Hagunemnon, originally in the guise of Ravakain. Hagunemnon kills Soren, who turns to dust, and Grub, who does not turn to dust. The party focuses all of their fireballs, eagles, missiles, etc. on Hagunemnon and managed to kill him.
Hagunemnon has been defeated, but the underkrakens and other Elder Gods are still out there… To be continued in 6 or 7 weeks. :)
The Adventures of Bizshnips and Clove, Episode #1 – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Clove - Tallcrown 3, 313 – Following the death of Hagunemnon, the party was surrounded by various underkraken denizens. Fortunately, metallic dragons and couatls came and rescued the party, taking them to the safety of Starport. Clove and Bizshnips returned to Golwensalph’s kingdom where Clove managed to claim it as his own (Idea not originally mine, I note). They maybe burn Hagunemnon’s body and dispose of the ashes. Bizshnips decides that he needs some purple worm hide for one of his golem projects.
"We're getting a lot of purple worms naked. I hope you're comfortable with that." – Wesley
They hunt down some red worms and slowly make their way to blue worms, being told to take it outside the town’s walls by the annoying police guy Giles. Giles does not want them summoning purple worms – or any of the other colored worms – in the town and is not very supportive of the duo. They use a lab belonging to a drow named Calor Do’sek to concentrate the essence of the various worms.
"Yes, Drow, color does suck." – Mark
They take the blue worms back into town and are stopped by Calor Do’sek who explains that there is a purple worm nest deep beneath the town. A sleep spell keeps them from rampaging across the surface, but it is a pretty weak sleep spell, so awakening them would not be beneficial to the town.
"Who decided to build this town on top of a Purple Worm nest?" – Wesley
"Probably stupid people." – GM
"Ugh! Why are they everywhere?" – Wesley
Using his status as ruler of Golwensalph’s kingdom (there’s something really wrong about Clove being the ruler of Golwensalph’s kingdom… sorry Reid….), Clove and Bizshnips descend beneath the city with the vaguely detailed blue worm pheromone.
"I guess the moral of this story is that purple worms like chocolate chip cookies." – Wesley, while trying to nail down how the blue worm pheromones worked.
They reach the chamber with lots of purple worms hanging. They decide to awaken just one, though there is a problem that once they wake one, the rest will probably wake up as well.
"Are there such things as purple worm farts?" – Mark
The single purple worm awakes while Bizshnips uses a sleep ritual to keep the rest asleep. The purple worm chases after Clove…
"I cast darkness at the magic missile!" – Mark
…and eventually circles back up the staircase Bizshnips and Clove used to get down to the surface. Bizshnips and Clove follow…
"You see Giles on the ground.” – GM
“Is he dead?” – Wesley
“Yes.” – GM
“Good! That resolves so many misconceptions I’d have to explain.” – Wesley
Clove and Bizshnips lead the purple worm out of the town (after it has damaged much of it) and manage to slay it. They quickly convince the people that they weren’t entirely responsible for what happened.
Purple worm scales obtained: 1414
"We scare you with giant throbbing purple worms because we care." – Wesley
"ACME is the worst boyfriend." – Mark
"I look forward to reading things I said." – Mark
"I also look forward to reading things I said." – Wesley
"Can we scribe that?" – GM
"Yeah." – Mark
"It's a little meta…" – GM
"You should scribe that, too." – Mark
We’re Going To Do The Archmage Competition This Session. I Swear Guys.
Epic Tier of Original Campaign
Spring 2015 Sessions
Session 27 (1/24/15) - Tallcrown 3, 313 – This session takes place concurrently with Session 28 – Don’t you know… DED
Session 27 (1/25/15) - Yeah, I’ll get to this in a bit. In a few days, a bit will have been a week. Better get to it.
Written 1/31/15: Characters Present: Bizshnips, Clove, Elim, Haar, Krono (Sam), Soren, Throg Tallcrown 8, 313 – Clove, new ruler over Golwensalph’s kingdom Golvsten, finds Soren forming from the head of Vengeance, which he got from Golwensalph’s belongings. The head of Vengeance is apparently the phylactery of Soren. Soren realizes that the Ashen (the former icon the White in dracolich form) is going to be reforming near the other half of the phylactery – the body of Vengeance. (Soren was tasked by the couatls with sharing a phylactery and mind with the Ashen to keep him from escaping and to hold onto as a possible resource. Their phylactery was Vengeance, but Vengeance was dismantled by the young Acererak Mercenary Enterprises around Session 3.) Since the end of the last session, the forces of the underkraken have spread out through the Dragon Empire rapidly. Many refugees (including the party) have taken shelter in Starport. Bizshnips amputated his own arm to keep the rorathik infection from spreading to the rest of his body. Throg created a distillery in Starport. Clove has given his supporters poison that will eventually kill them Hooked on Fonix and is giving them the antidote if they follow his orders. Soren spent the last week or so communing with the Lich King (see: being stuck in a phylactery reforming for almost a week). Elim began training in magic with Haar, who he met in Starport. Krono also joined the party with the desire to take down the Ashen. The party is briefly berated by the metallic dragons at the Parliament of the Couatls. Bizshnips is tasked with either killing Cal and taking the Occultist powers for himself or removing them from him in a less lethal way (the couatls are not pleased with Cal being in possession of the Occultist’s powers given his actions during the Spring 2014 sessions). The party also runs into an undead secretary of Starport (placed there since the influx of refugees from the rise of the underkrakens) named Debrys. Debrys has burns from a terrible flying accident where she was kidnapped by some strangers. She is also generally grumpy. Soren and the party is tasked by the couatls/metallic dragons with going and recapturing the Ashen. On their journey to Acererak, the party passed by Ghorge and found it to no longer being accepting of visitors of any kind and sent angry shadow creatures at the party. Krono was able to make it feel better a little, but the underkrakens have greatly traumatized the spirit in the fog. The party also encountered desperate survivors. Elim and Haar used their celebrity statuses to get them to join up with the party and shared food with them. Throg found a body of a future version of himself lying on the ground, dead from stab wounds. A multieyed monster was defeated by Hooked on Fonix. A crayfish army was used to feed the desperate survivors mentioned above. The party arrived near Acererak and found undead stalking the woods. Soren and Krono walked right in and had a conversation with the Ashen, who was standing by a rather damaged Acererak. The Ashen and Soren came to an agreement: Put the phylactery back together and the two of them would strive to achieve the Ashen’s goals. The rest of the party made it to the Ashen. Bizshnips tried some to pull off some foolery if by foolery you mean exactly what they wanted with the Ashen/Soren’s phylactery which the Ashen did not appreciate, leading Clove and Bizshnips to blows, with some intervention by Haar. (counter-magic counter: 1). Vengeance was put back together, but an accident caused by Throg resulted in the Ashen accidentally stepping on and crushing Vengeance.
Session 29 (1/31/15) - Note: This session takes place concurrently with Session 30. Characters Present: Clove, Haar - Tallcrown 9-11, 313 - While Soren departed to find a replacement double phylactery for the Ashen and himself, Clove and Haar accompanied the Ashen to the Dracacy located up in Moonwreck (Moonwreck is a barren wasteland created during the battle between the White and the Wizard King that involved the moon bouncing off of the surface. The ground consists of a layer of ice on top with a surface of diamonds beneath it.) For notes on the Dracacy see the Miscellaneous Notes section. The capital of Moonwreck, Moonwrecca, is an enormous inverted ziggurat with stadium seating, guarded by frost dragons. This is where the conclave has been meeting to decide who will be the next White. They’ve been undecided since the 1st Age. When the decision comes, the Dracacy will trigger a massive lightning bolt from the moon to signal for the rest of the world to know that a new icon has arrived. The Ashen is challenged for the role of the White by Tymofarrar, one of the frost dragons. Clove and Haar talk with Arthura (Arauthato?) who gossips with them about the frost dragons. Haar decides to put on a performance for the fungaloids who live around the base of Moonwrecca, led by Eukarita, far away from the structure so that they aren’t all killed by the lightning bolt when the Dracacy comes to a decision. Haar teams up with James the Badger’s band (the Fungaloids part of “James the Badger and the Fungaloids.”) Clove investigates the gossip about the frost dragons sneaking out and, after talking with Omphalotus (a fungamentalist fungaloid) and the Ashen, learns that the frost dragons may have gone off to warn some other icon. Some soul flensers arrive with the goal of stealing one of Haar’s memories. Instead they only manage to be indirectly responsible for the death of Gyromitra (one of James the Badger’s fungaloid musicians). The other fungaloid musicians – Calvatia and Portobello – flee. Nonetheless Haar puts on a spectacular performance for the fungaloids while Clove commentates on the duel between the Ashen and Tymofarrar. The Ashen defeats Tymofarrar. Druntgar, a lich, arrives and declares that the Ashen must obey the Lich King or the Lich King will send forces in to stop the Ashen. The Ashen crushes the Lich King’s messenger. The Ashen gives white dragons to Clove and Haar and tasks them with stealing the Lich King’s phylactery.
Session 30 (2/1/15) - Note: This session takes place concurrently with Session 29. Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal barely, Elim, Throg - Tallcrown 10-11, 313 - During the events of Session 28, Cal was busy making friends with fungaloids. Von also spent the entire session speaking in Russian so I’m not entirely sure about everything that Cal did… Bizshnips, Cal, Elim, and Throg travelled to Drakkenhall to restart ACME. As they neared it, some rorathik managed to knock Elim and Cal off, but Bizshnips ended up rescuing them spectacularly and continued on to Drakkenhall on their firespeeder. After leaving the firespeeder in the dragon parking lot, some of the party decides to disguise themselves as monsters. Cal is already weird enough that he didn’t feel the need to. Throg dressed as a mime, Bizshnips put on a dashing fake mustache, and Elim wore his eagle on his face. Elim remembered an old lover of his named Goruul, a derro originally from Forge, was the Minister of Revenue and would be a person to talk to about starting a corporation here. While going to visit Goruul, Cal sneaks away. Bizshnips leaves a note about Cal’s disappearance in the form of graffiti on a Drakkenhall alley wall. Goruul explains to Elim that an underkraken rose to devour Drakkenhall but mysteriously stopped and rested in the undercity (Underdrakken?) . Goruul’s and Elim’s twin children (Stalja and Narri, roughly 4 years old) went exploring against her commands and haven’t returned. She asks Elim, Bizshnips, and Throg to go and get the children in return for discounted taxes in Drakkenhall. They also manage to grab a new secretary (Debs) and dress him up in armor made out of office supplies with the word “PLOT” on his chest. Debs leads them into the Underdrakken where they manage to have a small dispute with some druggies. During this, Gorht is stabbed an unknown assailant. They manage to slow most of the bleeding but the wound won’t close for some reason, the claws must have deposited magnetic material. They send Gorht to the safety of the firespeeder. They arrive at the underkraken in Underdrakken (the Underdrakkenkraken?) Monsters have cleared out the horrors within and have claimed it for their own. Captain Zhen, the time pirate Throg met during his travels, is there. He steals time from others and gives it to people, treating it like a currency. He explains that he sent the children off on a mission to recover an artifact, hoping no one would suspect them. Hopefully they’ll make it back alive. Captain Zhen confirms that he is not the person killing all of the Throgs. Captain Zhen says he’ll return the children if they make it back alive. Throg, Bizshnips, and Elim return to the surface and Gorht perishes. (If you haven’t already assumed that Bizshnips stole both the soul and the body, you’re obviously not paying very close attention to Bizshnips.)
Throg takes Gorht’s hand: “It’s time for you to see again. It’s time to see the light. I’m sorry that you lost your sight to a poorly thought-out drug idea. It’s time for you to see your mother again. Go, my son.” (I’m aware that there was some reference to the war but I didn’t get that line down.) (Will definitely needs to check this for errors.)
Bizshnips begins selling his energy drink, Barbarian’s Breath, and the distillery branch of ACME, Gorht’s Shovelhops continues in Gorht’s memory. Also, ACME enters the slave trade. Like they weren’t already… Bizshnips also manages to fire up some rivalries between other factions in the town – drow vs. scorpions, clockmakers vs. towelwringers, Devotees of the Blackish Flames vs. Acolytes of the White-swept Waters, the blind vs. the pseudo-blind sympathizers, even the nuns vs. semi-millitant nuns. Goruul takes Elim to the auction-party that Captain Zhen is supposed to bring the artifact he sent Elim’s children to go and retrieve. At the party, the party devises a plan to steal all of the artifacts – a sword, a crown, a deck of cards (the Deck of Many Things) (I’m going to regret this decision to introduce this magic item into the campaign), a crystal, Stalja and Narri (being sold into slavery), and a velociraptor. (Background info: Drakkenhall has a spell placed over it that hides away all of the homicide from the public’s view so that the city at least appears to be a stable society.) Following a performance of ACME: The Musical, Elim declares that a signed feather is up for grabs to the biggest of his fans. Some plants (actors, not vegetables) he had in the audience began stabbing others and chaos erupts. Throg harnesses that chaos to bring down the magical barrier protecting the artifacts up for auction. During this, the Shadow Tiger people help to steal most of them (though the velociraptor is running through the room like crazy). Crazy Throg arrives and throws the crystal at Elim, resulting in two more Elims appearing. With his newly created bodyguard, G-Roth, fending off marble golems from all sides, Bizshnips prepared an infernorb as a ritual and with the help of pyromaniac Elim, blows up the room once everyone (Throg, the Shadow Tiger people, G-Roth, the Elims, Stalja, Narri, Goruul, and apparently the velociraptor) had escaped through a portal doorway he created back to Goruul’s office. However, we hadn’t seen the last of future Throg…
Session 31 (2/7/15) - Note: This session takes place concurrently with Session 32. Characters Present: Clove, Haar, Soren - Tallcrown 12, 313 - Clove, Haar, and Soren prepared for their strike on the Necropolis. Between sessions, Soren put together a new skeletal minion named Wallace by taking the remains of a duck and a beaver and making a platypus. They were outfitted with magic items from the Ashen as well as three white dragons to transport them there. They also had a lot of garlic, holy water, and other weapons for use against the undead. They approached Necropolis from Omen-side and dove down towards the center. While doing so, they were intercepted by three dracoliches. The dracoliches nearly killed Haar, but Clove’s turn undead proved to be particularly effective. After destroying the dracoliches, they parked their dragons outside the Necropolis itself and Haar left his cat to stand watch with the dragons. In the Necropolis, Haar disappeared (became invisible anyway). Clove managed to open a secret passage in the floor and Haar was able to warn the party about animated pillars. They jumped down the hole and were presented with three specters (named Bob Marley, Ziggy Marley, and Snoop-Lion). Ziggy Marley explained that the party really should leave as the Lich King was having some hard times. Turns out a soul flenser flensed away his memory of what his phylactery was and he’s kinda panicking now. Haar also later learns that a great old one named Skeilothlo may be blackmailing him. Haar provides distractions by opening doors (one leading into a field of darkness and one leading to some terrifying monster that lets out a loud roar. He slammed that door shut right away). He also opened four other doors – one which led to the inside of an underkraken, one which led to a giant slime monster, one which led to a mountain of bones, and one which led to a nice dark room which probably had a bed in it. With these as a distraction, Clove and Soren run into the bedroom one and shut the door. They find a really nicely designed room that is the resting place of a vampire. The vampire – Roethe – is found to know what the Lich King’s phylactery is, but he has been locked up here because of that. He talks about torture and angry people who want to know it, but Roethe refuses to give up the information to those people for unknown reasons. Haar leads some goblins from the underkraken into the Necropolis room and finds out that they work for a Captain Zhen. Clove and Soren discover that there is no way out, but they manage to pull off a ritual animating the white bengal tiger sphinx rug and it breaking the wall down. They agree to take Roethe with them and escape. They are reunited with Haar (still invisible) and prepare to head into the underkraken.
Session 32 (2/8/15) - Note: This session takes place concurrently with Session 31. Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Elim, Throg with special guest star Soren - Tallcrown 12, 313 - Gorht’s funeral was well attended by a small group of interns that were only there because they were required to be. The after-party briefly caused the Iron Sea to partially become vodka. After the funeral, Bizshnips had G-Roth (the golem of Gorht) dig himself out and the two walked back home together. Elim has been stuck in criminal personage and has been hanging out with criminal gangs, in addition to putting together poison darts. Elim learns of a dark wizard in town named Kalarel. Cal has been sleeping a lot. FEEL BETTER VON! Bizshnips met with Superior II to set up a golem club for the arcane academy. Superior II agreed to post fliers and allocate a budget for the club. He also confirmed that there were currently four active Superiors: I, II, III, and V. No IV. He asked Bizshnips to take his adventuring party coworkers at Gorht Shovelhops distillery to find the Sword of Ruin. The Archmage used to have it but now the Archmage is dead and someone looted it off his corpse. In return, he’ll nominate Bizshnips to be the next Archmage. Bizshnips brings Elim and Throg and begins to investigate. They determine that some random wizard acadamy dropout named Kalarel is claiming to have killed the Archmage. They also learn from Goruul that Kalarel has been hanging with Captain Zhen. The party returns to Captain Zhen and the underdrakkenkraken (Throg not doing anything too chaotic this time). Captain Zhen explains that he does indeed have the Sword of Ruin, but he is holding it for a friend. Captain Zhen is persuaded to give the party a tour of the underkraken. During it, he steps out to go and talk to a client. Bizshnips scares the ogres with some mice and the party flees down the tunnels and finds a room with some rorathik cleaning their weapons. Bizshnips fireballs one half of them, Garrick kills one, and then Bizshnips lightning bolts the last two (MULTIKILL!!!!! ;) ). Throg didn’t even have a chance to attack. They continue on to a room with pipes. A soul flencer child is hiding behind some pipes, but Elim finds the much more interesting trap door that leads to a room of 20 swords on 20 pedestals. Debs accidentally triggers some boar demons that attack and kill him. The boar demons nearly kill Elim, but the party got some help when Soren arrived (having finished turning soy milk into blood) and assisted them in taking down the boar demons. In the midst of this, Elim had a wonderful moment of wonderful rolls which was wonderful. Following this battle, Bizshnips put all of the swords in his hat and explains that they should dimension door portal jaunt (huge difference) back home. Unfortunately, Soren points out that Clove and Haar are still down there and shouldn’t be left behind.
Session 33 (2/15/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Cal, Clove, Elim, Haar, Throg - Tallcrown 12, 313 – Icehowl 17, 313 - The Michael you have called is busy at the moment. Please hang up and try again. Bizshnips, Elim, Soren, Throg, and Cal went to go and find Clove and Haar, who were entertaining some goblins. Eventually, Captain Zhen walked in. Bizshnips used portal jaunt to get everyone home safely. On the way out, Throg blinded Captain Zhen. In the ACME headquarters in Drakkenhall, the party regrouped and questioned Roethe (the vampire who knew what the Lich King’s phylactery was). Bizshnips found that of all the swords they grabbed from the underdrakkenkrakken, none of them were the Sword of Ruin that they had gone in to retrieve. Roethe informed the party about the Lich King’s phylactery in return for being taken to the moon for safety. The Lich King’s phylactery was revealed to be the entire island of Necropolis and so the party started planning how they were going to go about destroying Necropolis. They eventually decided that they were going to hold a literal Battle of the Bands to undermine the Lich King and possibly destroy Necropolis in the process. James the Badger was resurrected as Jamie the Badger and put together her new band. An undead Crazy Throg turned up and tried to attack the party but two disintegration spells from Bizshnips and Haar quickly ended that. Bizshnips collected the Sword of Ruin from the dead Crazy Throg, who was the former Archmage. Bizshnips got to work reforging the Sword of Ruin into one of his golems (G-Roth, formerly known as “Gorht”). Three months later, the party is on Necropolis hosting the Battle of the Bands. Clove starts leading riots which quickly spread to the rest of the concert. The Lich King had gotten wind of the well-advertised Battle of the Bands ACME was putting on (the same people who had assaulted Captain Zhen’s underdrakkenkrakken). Captain Zhen and Druntgar were in attendance and were to take down the party. Bizshnips, while leading his golems to go and take on the Lich King himself, ran into the specters (Bob Marley, Ziggy Marley, and Snoop-Lion). He encouraged the specters to go and see Jamie the Badger and the Fungaloids on the surface above.
Session 34 (2/22/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Clove, Elim, Haar, Octavius, Odinel, Soren, Throg, U83R - Icehowl 17, 313 - Have you seen this Michael? Last dealing with homework and essays and stuff. Please call 666-666-6666 if you have any information on his whereabouts or are bored and feel like talking. Reward if found, by which I mean there is absolutely no reward. I almost started this last night, but then I realized I didn’t have my notes on the new character names. Then I got distracted. Then I got sleepy. [/excuses]. U83R, a gearforged necromancer who wants to one day become the Lich King, saw Bizshnips heading down to take on the Lich King and decided to follow, becoming ghosty to avoid being seen by Bob Marley, Ziggy Marley, and Snoop-Lion on their way to the Jamie the Badger and the Fungaloids concert. Bizshnips taunted the Lich King, who didn’t take it too kindly. Following a rude interruption on the Lich King’s behalf and a short awkward pause, Bizshnips and his golems engaged with the Lich King. U83R plugged himself into the Lich King’s phylactery and engaged in a psychic duel with the Lich King. On the surface, two other party members whose names I don’t have with me at the moment joined the battle Octavius and Odinel? That’s what it says on the characters list. Sheesh, Michael I forget to update things occassionally…. Soren arrived on the back of couatls and helped to take out Captain Zhen (who now had the Hand and the Eye of the Lich King). Throg took Captain Zhen’s head for himself. Elim nearly got killed by Bob Marley, Ziggy Marley, and Snoop-Lion, but they were eventually driven off. Druntgar was also “killed” (he’s a lich. He just turned to dust). Underground, following an evoked fireball from Bizshnips and a sweet assist from a rakshasa allied with the Prince of Shadows, G-Roth killed the Lich King with the Sword of Ruin. The Sword of Ruin normally causes whatever the killed person ruled over to fall apart. (killing a farmer would destroy his barn and wither his crops; killing the Lich King sent Necropolis crumbling into the sea, thereby using his death to cause his phylactery’s death to cause his death, but for realsies this time). The party narrowly escaped from the collapsing tomb of the Lich King and reached the surface (though U83R was stuck underwater with an imprint of the Lich King still in his mind). They were rescued by their dragons and couatls and sweet teleportation magic and taken away from the crumbling island of Necropolis. During this, Gorribly drew from the Deck of Many Things. He drew the “Rogue”, “Idiot”, and “Void”.
Session 35 (3/1/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Odinel, Throg, U83R - Icehowl 19, 313
Ha. Ha. No. NO SESSION ONLY DED Fuck midterms.
Session 35 (3/1/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Elim, Haar, Octavius, Odinel, Soren, U83R - Icehowl 19, 313 - We’ll start with Bizshnips, because Bizshnips decided to not be with the party this session. Like a bauss. So Bizshnips got on his Firespeeder Mk. II and travelled to Horizon following the destruction of Necropolis. Once there, he met with Superior II (whose secretary is named Bed) and was congratulated on a job well done. Bizshnips then went to his golem building club, saw incompetence abound, and went through a mystical and unintelligible method of figuring out which ones were worth his time. He showed the competent members his blueprints and they began to discuss things. Magic things.
Meanwhile, U83R was stuck underwater following the destruction of Necropolis. The Lich King urged U83R to gather his friends and lead them into an ancient vault beneath the ruins of Necropolis. U83R decided to resurrect the undead army and use them to enter there for him.
Clove went off somewhere or something.
Over in Moonwreck, Elim, Haar, Octavius, Odinel (who did not enjoy the dragon ride), and Soren were rewarded for their work in destroying the Lich King. Haar was given his planar pass. The Ashen then requested that the group pursue a rumored magical tomb that was beneath Necropolis. The Lich King built Necropolis on top of it, but refused to open it or enter it. The Ashen wanted the party to go get an artifact from there – crystals similar to the ones that caused Elim to split into three parts. Soren speculates that the Ashen wants it so he can become three Ashen and rival the Three.
The party dives beneath the waves and finds the U83R has raised an undead army. He sends it at the underwater tomb thing, but as they get close to it, they are all brought back to life and quickly drown, floating to the surface.
The party approached. Octavius’s sword turned into a halfling who was apparently transformed into a sword by some horrific arcane being. Haar also tossed his cat-familiar, Xerxes, to test the effects. The cat was wet and displeased. Haar became a full head and cast reborn in flames to come back as a robotic dragonic Dragonic Bio-Mech. Close enough. Soren became a human. Soren’s platypus Wallace became a live platypus (There you are, Perry!).
Basically, the field around the tomb caused undead to come back to life (part of why the Lich King refused to enter). The party enters a maze. They are confronted by walls that want to attack, but U83R seduces a wall and makes love to it, being sucked into the wall in the process.
The party arrives in the center room and sees a floating golden box – very likely to be the treasure they seek. U83R hurries Wallder (the name for the face in the wall) to finish and finds himself in a temple of Humakt, a god of Death/Metal. He throws the eye of the Lich King into a flame in there, asking for Humakt’s guidance. Humakt gives him none, but does indeed receive the message. He joins the rest of the party around the floating golden box.
Octavius calls upon the Priestess to give guidance. The Priestess informs him that the crystals in the box were to be used by the followers of Humakt to create an army of death that would sweep across the land and kill everything and everyone so that life may start again. That sounds like a happy ending.
The light from the Priestess’s inspiration awoke some bat demons that swooped down. Elim and Garrick grabbed the box and ran. The party took out the bat demons, and made their way towards the exit…
(Somewhere in here: Haar used counter-magic to prevent a crit fail finger of death from U83R. (Counter-magic counter: 2))
Session 36 (3/15/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Clove, Elim, Haar, Soren, Throg - Icehowl 20-24, 313 - The party decided to go the moon. They built a rocket outside of Starport. Then they went to the moon (incidentally named Io). It was pretty damn cool. Then they landed in someone’s garden. She was not happy. She also had mice that weren’t nice. They went to speak with the chaos cult that was apparently exiled to the moon. They met Thanatar. Thanatar liked them because they helped rescue him that one time (see “Wild Ziggurat” sessions). Thanatar asked the party to help his followers get off of the moon, but the party ignored him and casually left Thanatar’s tower using the excuse that they were going to befriend/destroy the Crimson Bat on the dark side of the moon. It did not go well. Throg used the Deck of Many Things. Throg and the Crimson Bat were imprisoned somewhere mysterious.
Session 37 (3/22/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Haar, Octavius, U83R - Icehowl 25, 313 - Bizshnips and Haar decided to remain on the moon while the rest of the party went to find Throg and the Crimson Bat (they realized that the Red had them and that probably wasn’t a good thing). Bizshnips and Haar continued to explore the dark side of the moon, picking up glowing rocks and moonstone. Haar teleported his moonstone back to A.C.M.E. Some of it made it back successfully. A little over 50%, to be precise. They found a lake underground with one of the multipass sliders. It transported them to the Dreamlands. Meanwhile, Octavius and U83R were trying to build a laser out of telescopes in Starport to hitch a ride on a star because they really wanted to go to the moon and didn’t get to go. Some couatls stopped them, but they claimed to be telescope repairmen. They were instructed to check in with Debrys for training with this equipment. Debrys took them to a room where they were knocked out while wizards examined them to see if they were telling the truth. While knocked out, they also awakened in the Dreamlands. With Bizshnips and Haar, they encountered a medusa and eventually befriended her with a hug. By U83R almost succeeding at using a Finger of Death on Haar. No grudge here. Nope. None at all. Don’t talk to me about grudges. They continued towards a mountain where they met the most honest gnome in the world. He summoned the Huntmaster who began to hunt the party. Luckily, Bizshnips had the Firespeeder Mark III in a tree (now with vuvuzela technology!) and flew with Haar to a castle. At the castle, they listened in on a dream between a Great Old One named Skeilothlo and the Elf Queen (For those who might not remember, the Elf Queen’s brain has been replaced with an intellect devourer and thus an agent of the underkrakens). Bizshnips and Haar learned that Haar’s rival elven stage mage named Resm was being manipulated by Skeilothlo and the Elf Queen to enter the Archmage’s competition. They also learned that the underkrakens were targeting ACME headquarters in Drakkenhall. Octavius was killed in battle by the Huntmaster, but U83R was able to best the Huntmaster in a game of rock-paper-scissors. Bizshnips and Haar met the Dreamlord, who wasn’t terribly useful. So did U83R who hurled a sleep sheep at him as the sun came up and they were returned to the real worlds. Bizshnips and Haar awoke on the edges of the pool on the moon. U83R awoke as Debrys confirmed that they had passed the tests. Unfortunately, Octavius did not wake up.
Session 38 (3/22/15) – Characters Present: Elim, Odinel, Throg - Icehowl 25, 313 - Elim and Odinel orchestrated a rescue for Throg from the volcano off the map to the north that the Red was using hold him captive. The Crimson Bat was being held deeper in there and the party lacked the manpower to get him out. They managed to beat some fire giants and took one of the bodies with them as they were more or less beamed away by Garrick who was piloting the space ship (USS Enterprise) up above. Throg ate the fire giant’s brain and contracted a disease. The party returned to ACME headquarters in Drakkenhall. Throg was checked out by a doctor (killing an intern in the process) he was in my way. Elim trained with the Blue to gain better control over his breath of the blue spell among other things. Odinel talked with the Great Gold Wyrm and got knowledge that the Ashen has been up to something (reports indicate that his form is the Ashen, some reports that he’s the White again, and some report a 5-headed dragon). While sipping on hookers and fucking wine, earthquakes began as the underdrakkenkraken began to rise to consume the basement/human resources portion of the ACME building. It emitted blue mists (the kind that make rorathik) into the sublevels. To combat this, the party shoved butane down there. Throg decided to throw Elim’s adventure kit down there, so Elim threw Throg down there. Throg hit the bottom and died after becoming a rorathik on the way down, after much struggle. Then he was reborn in flames. And the butane was ignited. And launched all of ACME’s human resources out in a spout to the moon, shooting Throg to the moon with some interns and keyboards and filing cabinets and other HR materials.
Ciaran, commenting on the hole that’s shooting this shit up continuously (HR was seemingly infinite): “Guys. We’re going to need another Great Gold Wyrm.”
Session 39 (3/29/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Haar, Throg - Icehowl 25, 313 - Bizshnips and Haar, on their journey back to the light side of the moon, notice a stream of debris coming from Drakkenhall. A rorathik lands at their feet. The rorathik explains that he is Throg. Bizshnips doesn’t stop considering killing him anyway. Throg explains the events of Session 38 to them and asks Bizshnips to cure him of the rorathikness, who consents by taking him to his Dragon Wood lab. The rocket is destroyed in the journey While recording their new mixtape, the party unintentionally set the rocket on fire and Garrick (who sort of piloted it) was severely injured. The party approached the kobold camp, but found rorathik and underkraken stuff had taken over the region. They managed to go underground into Bizshnips’ old lab (formerly F’Sheol’s lab (see Side Quest #1)). There, they find that Bizshnips’ arm has grown into a full rorathik and had called the underkrakens for help, setting up a trap to capture Bizshnips using his memories and Throg’s convenient turning. Rorashnips (the rorathik Bizshnips) has some dragons to attack (red dragons because fire resistant) and a teleport-ban (because teleport). The party barely easily managed to defeat the monsters and seal off the exits so that the rorathik could not reach them in Bizshnips’ lab.
Session 40 (3/29/15) – Characters Present: Elim, Octavius, Odinel, Soren, U83R - Icehowl 25, 313 - ACME HQ Makeover: Gulf Oil Spill Edition (Now with 50% more moonstone!) with guest stars Bizshnips and Lord Retcon! The party in Drakkenhall waited for the rocket fuel to run out. U83R became obsessed with a sexy goat. U83R and Octavius formed TITR – Two Innocent Telescope Repairment. The party decided to teleport the interns out from the basement of death, but forgot they were rorathikized. There are more rorathik running through the streets of Drakkenhall now. Elim negotiated (wink wink, nudge nudge) zoning laws with Goruul while the rest of the party went to rescue Garrick.
Session 41 (4/5/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Clove, Elim, Haar, Octavius, Odinel, Theatris, Throg - Icehowl 26, 313 - Elim went to a mountain outside Drakkenhall to help negotiate zoning laws for Goruul. At the top was a monastery run by the Monks on Ice. To escape from their lab and destroy the underkraken denizens above, Bizshnips, Haar, and Throg performed a very difficult ritual that summoned a mountain, drove the top of it into the earth causing F’Sheol’s knowledge crystals to become lodged in it, grabbed on, and returned the mountain to its place near Drakkenhall. Octavius, Odinel, and Throg grabbed onto the mountain as well. Octavius learned that he was slowly fading from reality, whoops. Throg learned that the Archmage might have knowledge in Horizon on how to cure his rorathikness. Bizshnips informed the monks (and mimes) that the Archmage was dead and that he was going to replace them. The monks throw a banquet in Bizshnips’ honor which the ever-economical monks piggybacked on an existing meal they were having with Elim (to discuss zoning laws on behalf of Drakkenhall via Ghorull) and Clove. Clove gives a wonderful toast to Bizshnips (and Bizshnips, caught up in the moment through no fault of his own, drinks his red wine which causes wonderful problems in a few minutes). Clove then berates Bizshnips for various wrongs that he believes the wizard has done (namely, in the name of the Ashen, for keeping Theatris from continuing on to the afterlife otherwise known as hell in her case, so yeah, really sorry about keeping that from happening). The Ashen had been providing a path of communication between Theatris and Clove, and Clove, using Theatris’ eyeballs (which she had left in the Red Wastes and had been retrieved by a shaman), resurrects Theatris. Theatris, Clove, and Haar attack Bizshnips, others flee to the kitchen, and Elim and 8ktavius flee to a different banquet hall. Unfortunately, a hellhole is forming beneath the monastery which manifests in the very fucking banquet hall Elim and 8ktavius ran to. Shenanigans all around! In a mid-betrayal twist, Haar doubles back on his previous decision to destroy Bizshnips and joins Bizshnips (for now, at least). consistent! ( consistently inconsistent!) Rorathog got upset and tried to kill Bizshnips, but failed due to counter-magic. (Counter-magic counter: 3) consistent! (Consistently a counter-assistant!) Elim sends his eagle through the floor for some reason just minutes before the entire building begins to sink into a hellhole. Throg, Odinel, Theatris, and Clove are rescued by white dragons sent by the Ashen. 8ktavius and Elim fall into the hellhole (containing the Red and the Crimson Bat). Bizshnips and Haar manage to fly away to safety. And I we got away with it too, despite you meddling kids and your, uh… eagle? Not that Elim attacked me, but catchphrase-convenient animal companion is convenient. Perhaps Narwhal?
Session 42 (4/12/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Haar, Octavius, Soren, U83R - Icehowl 26-28, 313 - Octavius and U83R led the rorathik into the storerooms of ACME, turning the interns into rorathik as well. They oversaw the interns beginning their construction of the laser death tanks and decided to sit on the top of ACME headquarters and watch the world burn the Archmage competition from there. Bizshnips and Haar returned to Drakkenhall as well and quickly found all of the rorathik watching them, as if they were taking notes and conspiring to kill them. (On the bright side, the mixtape is well-received amongst the rorathik. Something about vuvuzelas really appeals to them). They hurried to ACME headquarters where they began work on anti-rorathik spray with the help of Soren and Noble Comet (a couatl friend of Soren). The result was an adorable little golem that Bizshnips named Karrhiot. Karrhiot is capable of breathing a gas to neutralize the rorathik mists. Bizshnips also looked into his magic ball and received a prophecy involving shadows strangling a couatl, that eventually coalesced into a mongoose and ate a mushroom. This is actually relevant. (This will never be relevant was totally relevant until it sort of wasn’t.) On the roof of ACME, the rorathik were a little peeved at U83R and Octavius’s uselessness as servants. They decided to try to turn them into rorathiks. Octavius drank the fireball potion and exploded in fire, burning the sack of potions, causing them to break releasing fire, magma, acid, ink, etc. The rorathik were killed as Octavius and U83R flew away and ACME headquarters burned/melted/dissolved/stained. Bizshnips, Haar, Soren, and Noble Comet also left, but they headed to Santa Cora. In Santa Cora, Bizshnips contacted the Priestess and gave a sample of the Karrhiot’s breath to Eh’l, a minor god of mists. They traveled onwards to Horizon and arrived just in time for the Archmage opening ceremonies (for details on who is in the competition, they can be found under the Superiors part of the Miscellaneous Plot Notes section where they’ve been for the past month or two if people bothered to check). In Horizon, U83R and Octavius decided to help the Lich King take over the underkrakens’ hive mind. He instructed them to go into the forbidden library, find the eggs and unleash them on Horizon. They went down, during the opening ceremony and entered a hidden portal to the forbidden library – the Black Abyss. There, they were greeted by Grandma Greensleeves, who offered them tea and cookies. They found the eggs and broke them in the Horizon library before returning to the Black Abyss to watch the events unfold on Grandma Greensleeves’ sunflower TV. Once unleashed, alarms started going off. (They sound conspicuously like the ones in new Battlestar Galactica) (Also the ones from Carmilla) (But more like BSG) The eggs cracked and shadow mongooses emerged. It should be mentioned that shadow mongooses are the arch-enemies of the couatls and the couatls worked very hard to drive them to extinction. Bizshnips allowed all of the Archmage competitors to stay in his apartment while he, Soren, and Noble Comet went out and hunted down a shadow mongoose (Haar remained in the apartment).
Session 43 (4/26/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Haar, Octavius, Soren, U83R, Some Other Irrelevant People - Icehowl 28, 313 - Bizshnips and Haar and Soren left to go find the chest containing Horizon. Haar found it first and completed the first test, but was out-dumbed by the riddles of the second test. A red dragon showed up, but it wasn’t very important. Apparently the Great Gold Wyrm was freed and replaced by something else. The Rorathik King was a dick and tried to kill everyone, but he was safely teleported to the moon and slain by Bizshnips. Haar tried to open the chest again and finally passed all three tests, becoming Archmage. However, he also happened to be really lazy, so he delegated most of his duties/power to Bizshnips, who became the Shadow Mage. Bizshnips converted his golems to run on cruelty-free energy out of the goodness in his heart, and everyone lived happily ever after.
The Expanded Universe
Sessions That Take Place In This Universe But Were Really Apart From The Campaigns And Were Usually One-Shots But Are Kinda Worth Mentioning ‘Cuz Sometimes They Introduced Things That Were Relevant
The Strangling Sea (A few weekends between 2/7/14 and 3/3/14) – Characters Present: Jacques, Jane, Thrace, Wamu, Zdrast - Bloodmoon 23, 13 - These were a couple of sessions in which we playtested The Strangling Sea, soon to be available from Pelgrane Press. Jacques, Janes, Thrace, Wamu and Zdrast were hired by Vinutati to go to the Strangling Sea and find Indigo Sharpie. Before they left, however, they may have stolen a random candle from the room that Vinutati was meeting them in. They quickly departed for Glitterhaegen and from there to Firigin’s Dome. The journey introduced the Monks on Ice who worshipped Hel. Once there, they found agents of the Prince of Shadows trying to break into Firigin’s Dome. They killed off all of the agents but one – Qure – who they took as their captive. After getting information from Firign, they returned to Glitterhaegen and hired a kobold bard named Meepo to sing for the boat. Traveling to the Silver Cove, they boarded the boat and sailed to the Strangling Sea. Along their journey, they were attacked by crabs, but Thrace turned out to be sexually attracted to crabs. He fortunately did not get crabs from the encounter, however. Eventually, they arrived in the Strangling Sea. They encountered goblins, but instead of fighting them, they negotiated (though they had an ambush prepared in case things went south). The goblins told them that Indigo Sharpie was in the dwarves’ possession. Travelling there, they found the dwarves had built a fence around their stranded ship. On the journey, they were attacked by weedbeasts. The party negotiated with the dwarves for information and were told that the weed rats had Indigo Sharpie. They did, however, lend some of their NPC companions (Qure and Meepo) to the dwarves to see what they could fix on the dwarves’ boat. One player figured out that the dwarves were lying, but they went to visit the weed rats anyway. The weed rats claimed that they had Indigo Sharpie. After a brief skirmish with some, they negotiated a truce in which the party would kill the dwarves in echange for proof that they had Indigo. The weed rats presented his decapitated body and decided that Indigo Sharpie was clearly dead. Thrace, however, was very clever and realized that the immortality machine that Indigo Sharpie was working on may have been some kind of machine that placed his soul in it and probably was still surviving somewhere. Thrace led the group to the drarves. Wamu (OUT: Excellent at kicking down walls) swam underwater, fighting off some sharks, and snuck up to the boat while Thrace cast ‘dancing lights’ to distract the dwarves. Wamu kicked a hole in the side of the ship and found Qure and Meepo. Meepo immediately shouted ‘Wamu!’ and Wamu fled, patching the hole terribly while a dwarf came down to check on the problem. Wamu killed the dwarf, freed Qure and Meepo, and found the talking robotic head of Indigo Sharpie. They escaped and returned Indigo Sharpie to Vinutati.
Today, in game, it is: Icehowl 28, 313
Calendar: The current year is 313. The year count restarts with each age.
Budbranch Spring Bud
Meadowbreeze Spring Mead
Bloodmoon Spring Blud
Sunreach Summer Sun
Farwalk Summer Far
Goldscale Summer Gold
Tallcrown Autumn Tall
Thickfort Autumn Thik
Nightcreep Autumn Nigh
Icehowl Winter Ice
Tombfrost Winter Tomb
Softchill Winter Soft
Simon-The leader (captive unDED very DED) DED
Warwick-Best friend/Second in command, Fighter. Female. (DEDed to an elephant on wheels) DED
Battlebeard-No beard, magic/healing. (DEDed to a pit trap that we may have asked him to trigger) DED
Geoff Pierre-Mime, immune to spores, has playing cards to communicate, good miner. Female. (DEDed to an elephant on wheels) DED
Holdfoot-Loosely related to the Dwarf King, presumed DED in Session 13’s cave-in. DED
Biggie-Smalls, someone important that we might have forgotten about
The Dragon’s name is Weimar or whatever. Caution: Acid breath. (Veiarmaruxmere :D)… Weimar it is. Used to head his own bank before we bought him out. before he DEDed DED
We still have Vengeance’s DED I think. Not anymore! :D All better! Nevermind… : |
We requested ammonia. Apparently didn’t get it. Someone get on this!
Goro – Cal’s lawyer, current leader of the Black Abyss DED, actually DEDed before the bomb.
The Poem as it was inscribed on the door leading into the Tomb of Horrors
Go back to the tormentor or through the arch,
and the second great hall you’ll discover.
Shun green if you can but night’s good color
is for those of great valor.
If shades of red stand for blood the wise
will not need sacrifice aught but a loop of
magical metal - you’re well along your march.
Two pits along the way will be found to lead
to a fortuitous fall, so check the wall.
These keys and those are most important of all,
and beware of trembling hands and what will maul.
If you find the false, you find the true
and into the columned hall you’ll come,
and there the throne that’s key and keyed.
The iron men of visage grim do more than
meets the viewer’s eye.
You’ve left and left and found my tomb
and now your soul will DED.
Acererak Mercenary Enterprises (Corporation) Ded? NEVER!!! But seriously, it’s back.
Acme is the corporation formed by the adventurers to gain influence over the people of the world, as well as hopefully some money. The organization of the company consists of a board of directors, made up of Bizshnips (CEO), Cal, Elim (ex-CEO), and Throg (ex-co-CEO). There are 100 shares of stock in the company, though since the records were kept in Forge, it’s currently kind of difficult to prove ownership. Also, since there’s no records of the original company existing, all members of the board of directors that didn’t re-register upon the refounding in Drakkenhall are no longer part of the company. Sorry Theatris. :P The current corporate headquarters is located in Drakkenhall and services the surrounding area. There are also subsidiaries in Horizon, Glitterhagen, and Axis. Bizshnips currently holds the hybrid position of Head of Research and Development/Head of Public Relations/Head of Advertisement. Productivity (as reported by him) has risen greatly since promoting himself to the position. Throg was Head of Human Relations.
LTA Potions & Tonics (Less-Than-Addictive )
ACME Adventuring Agency
ACME First Empire Bank
ACME Second Empire Bank
Built-In-A-Day Construction Company
St. ACME’s For-Profit Medical Center
The Floating Narwhal Bar and Pub
The Daily Hammer
The Pyromaniacal Order of Fire Mages 2.1 (secret patent pending)
Gorht’s Shovelhops (distillery in Starport)
Two Innocent Telescope Repairmen
Damn. Someone beat me to scratching all of those out.
Acererak (The Actual Dungeon)
Originally a living dungeon under the control of the Black Abyss running on stolen souls. Had a powerful demi-lich driving it, after whom the dungeon was named. After clearing it of threats, the party decided to turn the now-dead living dungeon into a base of operations, staffed by hired kobolds. The foyer has a teleportation circle for easy access, opening into a recently acid-cleaned spiral staircase with multiple rooms jutting off. Some of the traps in the basement still work despite the dungeon being dead, but there’s a hot tub at the end now, so it’s totally worth it. Of course, the emergence of the Ashen from the depths of the dungeon broke a few parts and detached the skillfully-placed skull, but all of the important parts are safe. The head of the golem Crakeera is actually made from the original skull; the new entrance is now made of marble and less threatening, but still features a carving of a skull above the threshold.
The Black Abyss- DESTROYED
Some sort of DED-worshiping cult that no longer exists. Oh well. Voola, Mistress of the Black Abyss seems to be their leader. Now it’s Hollylove Greensleeves. Now it’s Goro, and they work for us. (They might not work for us anymore) Their goals involved ending the 13th Age, except they failed. They also had a naga as an ally, before being DEDed by the party. The Black Abyss itself, after which the group is named, is actually an inter-dimensional library. The library still exists, even though its living members have disbanded and disappeared. The Black Abyss is was anti-Archmage. They don’t didn’t like that the Archmage has rules about magic. They’re were basically magic anarchists. So their goals would be things like “Get rid of the Archmage!” or “Free all of the golems!”
Fire Mages – DESTROYED REBUILT
We’re sort of against these guys too now. Or part of them. Occasionally. They’re part of us? Things change a lot. Especially when doing the time warp again. Did I mention that they’re also trained mimes?
Funny Nicknames for the Elder God whose name starts with H
- Hag’s the man… Not!
- The Hag-Bag
- Haggy M. Notter, the Elder God that Lived
- Haggerton the Nonth
- Memmy the Purple Hagasaur
- The Ancient Dark Loser
Let’s Play “What’s in Bizshnips’ Hat?”
- The slime golem Ovoal
- An antidote to the Fonicks Potion
- The mystical Dodecahedragram
- MPDD full of Fonicks Potion
- The Phantastical Orb of Taking Notes
- Nearly finished final thesis on circumstance-based teleportation
- Eight crayons (red, blue, green, purple, orange, brown, black, and gold)
- Batch of test candy
- Bunch of caltrops
- Karri the Anti-Rorathik (antithik?)
- Nine white cats, used to dissuade black cats from crossing path
Rooms in the Not Living Dungeon Acererak
- Marble foyer
- Spider room
- Ravakain’s living quarters with plush carpeting. Bizshnips set fire to the room after Ravakain was no more. NO LONGER IN USE.
- Landshark zoo, kept in water
- Owlbear pens
- Plush wizard’s garage (close to the entrance)
- Blacksmithery. NO LONGER IN USE.
- Chapel to Zuul in the catacombs. NO LONGER IN USE.
- Theater, which Gorht will never be able to use.
- Circus gear pit in the catacombs
- Hot tub time machine in the catacombs
- A totally legit forest in one of those rooms that is absolutely real!
- Wall of Insults to Garrick… or Elim… not entirely clear which.
- Sphere of Annihilation is intact, but may have a warning sign on it
- Throg’s Booby Traps Room
- Mime Training Facility. NO LONGER IN USE. LIES.
- Angry Eyebrows on the front of Acererak’s skull
- The words “Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here” that marked the beginning of the catacombs has been replaced with “Don’t Worry Be Happy, ACME SPRING BREAK 2K12”
- Intern graveyard Every tombstone reads “RIP in Peace”
Basically they are magic-spirit-constructs created by the Archmage. They report directly to him and run the everyday workings of Horizon and the entire Archmage operation. I briefly outlined the role of each Superior on the spot. In the case of the Archmage’s untimely death, refer to emergency guidelines as outlined below. As a caveat, this list refers to the Superiors active during the archmagicy of the Archmage before Haar. If he changed anything, it isn’t here, unless explicitely stated.
Superior I – Responsible for Horizon itself and making sure it runs efficiently.
Superior II – Responsible for the Schools of Magic inside of Horizon. Department of education.
Superior III – Responsible for managing the Archmage’s stock military force (training, salaries, equipment). Also responsible for protecting the heart of the Dragon Empire (centered around Axis, Horizon, and the regions immediately near those two) from major threats
Superior IV – DED - Responsible for the more specialized portions of the Archmage’s military force, such as the dragon corps, chimera handlers, and the Archmage’s personal fleet of lizard/whale bio-subs. Also responsible for the more distant parts of the Dragon Empire (from Horizon and Axis), so places like Forge, the Queen’s Wood, the Wild Wood, etc.) from major threats Actually I’m IV now. I have a badge and everything. Considering your dereliction of duties and how badly you screwed up on Forge, I’d hazard a guess that you’ve been symbolically fired. I mean, I was kind of the one responsible for starting the war in the first place and destroying them. They then got reconstituted as the Chaotic order of fire mages but then destroyed when Forge blew up. I got bored when I was time traveling and decided to reconstitute them. They’re now also trained mimes. DO YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH? MORE FUCKING MIMES!!! You should have thought of that before you killed my mime.
Superior V – Responsible for helping to maintain the wards. Also an expert on monsters.
Superior VI – Used to be involved in the development of new magic, but apparently experimented on some halfling family and rebelled against the Archmage. It is rumored that he still lives, but no one – not even the Archmage – knows where he lives. We should find him. Probably used to live in the ziggurat thing. Also possibly DED. Sadly enough, very alive. RIP in Peace
The Superiors are an essential part of the peaceful transition of power when any Archmage passes on or voluntarily retires. The selection process is divided into three stages:
- The first stage involves each Superior selecting a candidate (if only one is alive before the end of the first stage, the selection process is cancelled). Then, every Superior besides the one that nominated a specific candidate votes on a scale of 0-5 to determine that candidate’s proficiency based on prior events and achievements. Any candidate who receives a score of zero does not advance.
- The second stage is an intellectual challenge, with the specific puzzles and conundrums unique to each candidate, meant to test both their strengths and weaknesses as scholars. If a candidate ranks highly on the first stage, they are given more difficult mental obstacles to face. Those who make it through are judged on the amount of time to completion, ingenuity, and the level of puzzles they encountered. Each of these judgements determines the bonus a candidate receives for the final stage.
- The third stage is all about leadership and magical prowess. The candidate leads followers of their choosing on a journey to secure crystals from a dungeon personally created by the former Archmage in the Overworld. The bonuses accrued in the previous stage can take many forms, though usually candidates receive headstarts, challenge specific gear, and temporary magic items. The candidates of the first two teams to return then face off in a wizard’s duel (it’s a deep magic spell, look it up), with the winner being declared the new Archmage.
Should five or six Superiors die before an Archmage creates new ones, a backup selection process either manually or automatically engages, respectively. Horizon folds in on itself and tucks itself into a pocket dimension until it receives an unlocking sequence. This sequence is contained in a magically sealed and trapped box that teleports around the Dragon Empire near the vicinity of magically attuned individuals (it generally avoids chaos magic if possible). Anyone smart enough to unlock the chest becomes the next Archmage and can reopen Horizon, though many of its functions work suboptimally until new Superiors are created.
Candidates for the Position of nth Archmage
- Superior I – Skägg the Bearded (pronounced ‘skeg’)
- Elder mage from the frozen tundra to the far south. Specializes in ice magic. Has an awesome beard that he’s allegedly been growing for the past 15 years. Invented coldfire, which consumes materials and heat, sending the byproduct “somewhere else, maybe another dimension’’
- Superior II – Bizshnips Spinhszib
- A young genius from Horizon itself. Co-CEO of Acererak Corporate Mercenary Enterprises, a large potion store/adventuring guild. Single-handedly destroyed the Lich King. Enjoys working with golems in his free time. Works with teleportation magic.
- Superior III – Gwae Longshadow
- Mysterious candidate hailing from The Fangs. Could be a half-orc, or maybe just a really buff human, no one dares to ask her. Wields a magic sword. Excels at protective magic. Killed the Devil of the Fangs.
- Superior IV- Throg (just to reassert that I’m a superior).
- Not technically a Superior, but no one seems to have told him that. It honestly isn’t surprising at all to see that he nominated himself. He says he’s good at chaos magic, but that’s like saying you’re good at describing the life of any particular sand grain. Hasn’t really achieved anything interesting. Hey!
- Superior V – Ilexa Greensleeves
- Daughter of the recently deceased Hollylove Greensleeves, well-versed in the ways of plant magic. May possibly hold a grudge over her mother’s death. Healed the Priestess of a previously incurable disease.
- Superior VI – Resm the Spectacular
- Last minute entry into the Archmage selection process. Legendary stage mage from the Queen’s Wood, skilled in illusion magic. Put on a performance that Superior VI really liked, so it chose him. Definitely.
Treaty of Horizon DED
Grievances for Archmage
- Wants an end brought to the terrorist organization known as the Black Abyss (Dwarf King was harboring terrorists)
- Had their installment raided and an employee abducted by Acererak Mercenary Enterprises
- Destroyed their weapon of war
- Superior DEDed
…for Dwarf King
- Tried to illegally arrest Cal
- Infringed the Dwarf kingdom’s sovereignty, brought weapon of war above Forge
- Attacked the populace
Personal vendettas not permitted to escalate (I think that this is a little bit confirmed by session 22. Bad things can happen when personalities clash.) (Just to clarify, you’re not talking about Goro’s personal venDEDa, right? He wasn’t really involved in the treaty and probably doesn’t think very highly of it.) (Point being that most individuals do not have access to WMDs. Many states do. If states make it possible for individuals to get WMDs and use them to settle personal vendettas, everybody gets screwed. So it’s more a demonstration of how badly individuals act when they have power.)
Must get permission before actions are taken in the Dwarven kingdom; vice versa; permission refused, goes to Emperor
Magopric = Megabrick = Megablock
Yes hello I am indeed actually editing the Googledoc
(now with Michael’s blessing™!)
This crystal has the energy of [RETCON CRYSTAL BACKGROUND WHEN IT BECOMES PLOT-RELEVANT] imbued within it. If the crystal affects you (it shatters when doing so), your personality phases into three fractured personnages. Choose three discrete personality traits and inflate them into separate personalities. With the exception of your primary attack statistic, reärrange your base numbers to create a set for each personality. You gain the following, ehem, talent:
You have the power to bring one specific personality to the forefront, pushing the other two aside, but this can fail and result in either no swap (normal failure) or a swap to the wrong personality (critical failure). As you come to accept each of the personalities as a part of you, you become more likely to succeed when switching. Failure after the incident is set at ⅓ probability, but increases in level will lower this chance to ¼ and ultimately ⅕. You can use this in battle as a quick action, but if a phase occurs (whether due to success or a critical failure), your next quick action will also be spent phasing between personalities.
Level same as incident: roll a d6. Failure 1–2, critical failure at 1.
One level after incident: use a d8.
Two+ levels after incident: use a d10.
You may substitute d12 for d6 and d20 for d10 with failure 1–4 and critical 1–2.
Think Striaton Gym Leaders, but instead of grass/water/fire, it’s eagle/celebrity/fire.
(Recording all of the wonderful memories we’ve made)
>>> 13th Age Scribe <<<
Shit Will Says (Really? You actually did this?)
“We didn’t kidnap Debbie! She just didn’t know she needed rescuing!”
“It’s just that Cal betrayed us… without telling us.”
“I’ve been trained by a mime. Mimes can’t be seen if they don’t want to be seen. That’s why I check for hidden mimes. … I must become a hidden mime!”
“My next character’s familiar is going to be a tapeworm.”
“[The Fire Mages 2.0] are very good at what they do. We just don’t know what they do.”
Michael: “Shit. What was the quadratic formula?” Will: “Wait! I know this one! a^2+b^2=c^2”
[Michael says something about here on Earth, we have actual chemistry] “Wait, we have chemistry?”
Michael: “This monster will have resist bullshit 16+.” Will: “Noooooo! My powers are useless!!!”
Shit Will Didn’t Say
“What do you enjoy to do?” – Psych professor
“Nuke my friends!” – Michael
“Hey! That wasn’t our fault!” – Bree
“Actually, that was ENTIRELY our fault.” – Wesley
“When did I become a Megaman villain?” – Wesley
(“Friendly Fireball”; Source: http://www.toplessrobot.com/2010/04/the_8_most_common_ways_dd_characters_die.php)RAUGHDKOWKEOFNW,CISGEKVIDHFOWNVKJSGWJFBCJSJHDBCJXJWHBXDSJKCBSJKVBDJHASBCJBSFBNHSCAKFKAGXBJHSKF…
Goro/Michael and Theatris/Mark swearing an allegiance between the Black Abyss (Pretty sure you meant the Black Abyss) (Oops. Fixed. For those wondering, it previously said that the allegiance was between the Fire Mages and the Dwarf King) and the Dwarf King/Acererak Mercenary Enterprises on the Escalation DED. (Session 16b) Photo credit: Bree
The terms were pretty favorable to us, especially since Theatris swore on her power (that is, her magical ability, and she’s a barbarian. So she swore on essentially nothing). (evil GM laugh)
Does this remind you of… nevermind…
Session 21: Throg evoked fireball at the mummy and accidentally caught the important papers on fire. K'terrence decided to put the fire out with beer. We went outside, took the actual pages I had written up, lit them on fire, and put them out with beer. LIVE ACTION ROLEPLAYING! (If there’s one thing I’m learning tonight, it’s back-up your work. Which is why this is in the Facebook group, in the Facebook chat, and now also in the Google doc!)
Given recent events (session 22), I believe that these letters are probably in worse condition now…
The Speeches from Ravakain’s Funeral
Penta Goldbreath, High Priest of Zuul – “I believe the rumors are true. Zuul is DED. Ravakain had recently become a priest in our order. She worked hard to fight for the followers of Zuul. When she heard that her church was in trouble, she rushed there to help her people. She gave her life to both protect the church of Zuul and to stop a greater threat from rising. With such an act of sacrifice, you would think that the mighty Zuul would save our sister. But no! Ravakain's spirit has not been found. Zuul does not answer my inquiries. Zuul is DED! She has abandoned us when Ravakain did not. Though Ravakain's body and soul are gone, we must keep her in our hearts and minds and live our lives as Ravakain would want us to!"
Throg – [Basically wanted to create another fucking company]
Elim – “RAVAKAIN WHY?!?!?”
Theatris – [Left after Throg’s speech]
Bizshnips – [Never showed up]
The 2nd Semi-Annual 13th Age End Of Campaign Character Survival Extravaganza!
Archived for your viewing pleasure, it’s
The 1st Semi-Annual 13th Age End Of Campaign Character Survival Extravaganza!
Each character has their own listed odds of survival. Each player starts with 13,000 (virtual) pieces of gold. Bets are made on any living characters as of Session 25 other than the player’s own. A player’s payout is the original bet plus a percentage based on the character’s odds (for instance, Bizshnips has a 90% chance of survival, so a successful bet of 1000 on him will return the 1000 + 100, which is 10%). The player with the largest hoard of (virtual) gold by the end of Session 26 (which turned out to be Quint) received the grand prize of a free copy of 13 True Ways. Everyone else got to look at a cool chart that told them that they lost.
This year, odds are a function of whether your character is a melee character, a tank, risk-taking, whether you’re in the underkraken currently, how many characters you (the player) have already lost this campaign, and whether it makes sense for your character to DED from a plot standpoint.
Odds to Survive
- What about if the player does not show up? Do they still count as surviving?
- I have said that if someone doesn’t show up, their character may automatically DED. Whether I was joking has yet to be determined. (Though that is still an interesting possible problem that may need to be resolved that Wesley might have an answer for
- For every character without a player during Session 26, Michael will roll a ceremonial d10 at the end of the session. If the value rolled is less than or equal to their predicted odds of survival, the character is guaranteed to live. Otherwise, barring extraneous circumstances, the character will automatically DED. DED isn’t what it used to be, so resurrection isn’t out of the question, but recovery of a body the party didn’t see DED is fairly unlikely. Better start rolling up a new sheet.
- Alternatively, the d10 will be rolled to resolve the betting situation and your character probably won’t actually DED in game.
- Can we short sell the character? That is, bet that they will DED?
- No, because that promotes an ending of the session where Bizshnips evokes fireball on the people he wanted to DED. (Throg evoked fireball once).
- How about if I’m the cleric?
- Can we add AcME stock, and bet on that?
- Normally,yes. However, currently it is impossible to verify the ownership of any stock in AcME, since all records and the company building itself have been destroyed are currently unavailable and ghost stock is illegal tender.
- Isn’t Michael sad that he can’t also bet, since he sort of controls the fate of the world?
- Yes, Michael was indeed sad, but that has been fixed. All lost bets will be forfeit to the GM, who will win the competition if his winnings are the largest.
- Look what you’ve done! Now I have motivation to shift into “DEDer Dungeon Master” territory. Rocks fall. Underkrakens rise. Everyone DED.
- See above conversation with Quint.
- Can we add a line for the end of the age?
- Ehhhh… there’s 13 betting slots at the moment and the symbolism is too cute to change.
- How about betting on major NPCs?
- If you’re reaaally interested…I might be up for some side betting, but it probably won’t win you anything.
- When I multiply the percentages together, the odds of a TPS are 0.2%. TPK is 0.0007%. The numbers at the end do not reflect this. Should I surmise that the death of low-probability characters, like Bizshnips, massively increase the chance of a TPK?
- Uh, yeah. That’s definitely what was implied the entire time.
- In more layman’s terms, Bizshnips has 90% odds. Odds of a TPK are 10%. So pretty much every time he DED, it’s a TPK. Plus the house’s edge.
Snips from the Google Plus Side Quests
<— Drawn by Mark in Roll20 It’s kinda hard to draw on it. No fill tool.
Session 31 – The Necropolis According To Mark
(dark, I think that’s the point)
by Mark and Quint so far
The White Dragon: The positions of particular colored dragons are handed down as the originals DED. Hence, since the White is DED (If I remember correctly), then there should come to be another one. Since the White Dragons are LG LE, they hold elections to the Dracacy. Could be fun to mess with that with our corrupt massive corporate dollars. We could elect the first black white dragon! (Not too far off…)
Not so sure if I’m okay with White Dragons being lawful good, but I’m alright with a white dragon society in which they have elections and stuff. Of course, you’d have to locate it and all… but that’s not my job! Oh, I just assumed that they were based on memory. Are they lawful at least? And to be clear, I’m going for Papal conclave here. Here’s what 13th Age has to say about White Dragons: “White dragons are a debased and even cowardly lot, cut off from the power of their slain icon. They still hold a grudge against the Lich King but don’t dare do anything about it because he knows how to transform them into unDED servants.” They aren’t really organized enough as an entire species to have anything, which leaves it open to the possibility that there is a group white dragons that might have something of the sort.
Hey, would you look at that. This became plot relevant. (See Session 29)
Theatris’s hyper-extended backstory: Pretty sure it’s been well fleshed at this point.
The Red is really named Vermel /ˈvɚməl/.
The Blue is really named Laj’ul /laʒˈʕul/.
S’s full name is Suteja /suˈtea/.
For those of us who completely forgot who S was, she‘s Elim’s bad role model. The one who taught him fires and stuff.
The Red: Think Neutral-Evil. S (Elim’s bad role model) and Elim were both ABANDONED AT BIRTH by their ostensibly terrible biological parents. Elim took to feeling bad and generally being lonely, while S took to LITERALLY SELLING HER SOUL to the Red for a part of the Red’s power in exchange for her doing the Red’s ill-will. There wasn’t exactly much to do as a young ABANDONED half-elf, so S eventually convinced him that it was pretty much the only option for fame and notoriety, all Elim wanted as the young abandoned half-elf. (It turns out S was right—Elim’s betrayal earned him everyone’s respect.) Anyway, “the Red’s ill-will” mostly turned out to be terrorizing the Queen’s Wood; if there’s fear and chaos in the Queen’s Wood, the normally sorcery-heavy Elvish colony doesn’t have the will to invoke the Blue to oppose the Red. So free pass for the Red to advance whatever plots it had going. In the meantime, the Blue, needing strong-willed inhabitants of the Queen’s Wood to rebalance the scales in the Blue’s favor against the Red, sent a young eagle to the young Elim, promising fame and fortune (as well as an animal companion) in exchange for overthrowing S and therefore the Red. Elim accepted. Many (on the order of fifteen) years passed, Elim biding time and playing the criminal long enough to organize effective opposition against S. Eventually the Red fed on S’ huge power-trip and convinced her to travel (with the criminal posse) to Forge and fuck the Dwarf King up as part of one of the Red’s plots. It was on this trip to Forge that Elim executed the plan to betray and ultimately overthrow S.
inb4 “biological parents weren’t terrible they were just trying to spare their children from the terrible life they themselves had” TO BE RETCONNED IN LATER OF COURSE and “irony” and “look how well that turned out”
In case Michael ever actually gets around to correcting the final session, here’s a copy of what happens when the only person who feels like recording history is heavily biased.
Session 43 (4/26/15) – Characters Present: Bizshnips, Haar, Octavius, Soren, U83R, Some Other Irrelevant People - Icehowl 28, 313 - Bizshnips and Haar and Soren left to go find the chest containing Horizon. Haar found it first and completed the first test, but was out-dumbed by the riddles of the second test. A red dragon showed up, but it wasn’t very important. Apparently the Great Gold Wyrm was freed and replaced by something else. The Rorathik King was a dick and tried to kill everyone, but he was safely teleported to the moon and slain by Bizshnips. Haar tried to open the chest again and finally passed all three tests, becoming Archmage. However, he also happened to be really lazy, so he delegated most of his duties/power to Bizshnips, who became the Shadow Mage. Bizshnips converted his golems to run on cruelty-free energy out of the goodness in his heart, and everyone lived happily ever after.
It is probably evident at this point that we really don’t use these much, so don’t worry about this section for the most part.
Source: Dungeons and Dragons, 4th Edition
What is it? Every two sessions, you have an action point that you can spend. If you spend it, you get another standard, move, or quick action that turn.
Why add it? Do you ever have those moments when you wish you could do something really cool but don’t have enough actions in your turn to pull it off? Well, now you can do that cool thing! 13th Age is about being cool and so is this rule! :D (I may also give it to certain major NPCs once in a while)
Source: Dungeons and Dragons, 5th Edition
What is it? When you have advantage, you roll 2d20 and take the higher.
Why add it? Because it’s a cool mechanic. When you have advantage, however, is at my discretion. I use it differently depending on the group’s playstyles. For this group, this will probably just be a situational tool I might use instead of a reliable mechanic.
Further explanation from Facebook chat: “Basically, if you want to argue that you have advantage in a situation you can. For example, you're attacking someone from ontop of a rock. Normally, you might get a , something that advantage does not provide. And advantage is very situational and I won't use it often. I mostly used it in a small campaign I did back home over the summer where the players wanted to be more tactically focused like D&D 4e.) (For those mathematically inclined, you will find that advantage is statistically better than getting a +2)” And for those interested in the math, but don’t want to actually do it, the internet is full of geeks and while I did not do the math, I’m enough of a geek that it was something I casually came across one day and bookmarked: http://onlinedungeonmaster.com/2012/05/24/advantage-and-disadvantage-in-dd-next-the-math/)
I am also toying with porting over Numenera’s XP system, but haven’t exactly figured out how to do it without it becoming too fiddly. (Don’t worry, it has very little in common with D&D’s XP system. It’s a very different concept)
Search for the hybrid of the holy letters to receive the wisdom of the dark heavens.
Wait… I see a lot of DED… but I also see some DEB… Debbie? The wisdom of the heavens is Debbie? Perhaps Debrys could shed some light on the matter.
Seriously though, just use Ctrl + F and search for “B”. It’s D and E combined.
That is quite beautiful!
Wesley you are amazing