13th Age Scribe

10/31/13 – Rocky Horror-Themed Game (Screamhaunt Castle)
“We killed the boss with a questionably animated turkey?”
“You don’t have to roll to breathe.”
“I can’t think of any reason not to spin around with a chainsaw.”
“But it’s covered in mud blood!” “Thanks Hermione.”
“So the mummies are just sitting there?” “Like a granny on a roller coaster.”

1/19/14 – ACME Campaign – Living Dungeon
“How about Biggie Smalls?” – On naming the Chief Dwarf Expeditioner
“Are there, like, save points?” – GM leaves the room in bewilderment
“Badgerbadgerbadgerbadger mushroom MUSHROOM” – Describing the battle of James the Badger & the Fungaloids

4/6/14 – ACME Campaign – Living Dungeon
[GM Blinks] Everyone: “ROLL FOR INITIATIVE”

8/10/14 – ACME Campaign:The Cure
“How about the Inn Tyrnet?” – On naming the Inn in Chuulfenn
[While GM is describing the Green Star (?) River] “Why don’t we call it the River AoL?(pronounced “Owl”)”
“Who’s blending the cat?”

“Roll for CEO!” (Quint rolls a 100 out of 100. His character was a complete stranger to the others)

“b-b-b d-d-d…circle” – GM

“What is the name of the port that takes you to the stars?” “You mean Star Port?”
“Are you drawing a penis?” “NO IT’S A WATERFAAAALL”
[Pulls back arrow] “SYNERGY MUTHAFUKKAAA!” – Elim (Quint)

9/21/14 – The Star Port Adventure (Coincidentally, HG Wells’s Birthday)
“Greetings, I’m the leader of the Monks from Hell.” – Baldassar the Monk on Ice (Mark)
“What do you mean I can’t dual-wield brains?!?” – Baldassar the Monk on Ice (Mark)
“…How did my hair get inside the die?” – Mark
“The sound effect is…*PLOT*” – Mark
A…purple, ugly thing-” “I EAT IT” – Wesley to the GM
[singing about Goro the Lawyer and whether it was our fault that the floating island blew up] “We didn’t start the fire…it was always burning said the worst attorney…” – Mark
[Describing the Monks on Ice] They worship the goddess Hel. Aychh-EE-Single Hockeysticks…because it is hard to dual-wield them” – Mark

“Pet the pussy if something makes you uncomfortable.” – Quint, talking about his pet cat on the subject of the X-card rule
“It’s the no-no Gnome!” – Quint, on the item used for the X-card
[Once every round] “Ravakain continues to not exist…” – GM
“Suddenly, the rogue disappeared…again…” – GM
“The Chaos Mage was basically [created when] Rob Heinsoo masterbated onto a computer screen and that’s what came out.” – GM
“Roll for crowdsurf!” – Bree
“I’m taking him back to ass-er-ak.” “Do you mean Acererak?” “Asscrack? Same thing.” – Wesley, Mark, GM

“Do I know anything about the body other than it hit the floor?” – Will
“They had foreign troops inside the Dwarf King’s territory without his permission. Isn’t that the definition of invasion? If you’re not Russia!? – Mark, on the Archmage Invasion

“I’m half-elf. That’s like half-girl, right?” – Grahm
[When designing fictional illegal drugs] “Can we make one named fon-x?” – Will (Hooksed on phonics pun)
“ACME the mask-erade?” – GM
“It was an STD hospital?” “YOUR BIRD GOT HARPIES” – Quint, Bree
“A certain Elder God is making his way up there.” (In Unison) “ELEVATOR god?!?” – Grahm and Von to the GM.
“16 damage!? Damn…age…”
“What have we learned? DO YOUR READINGS BEFORE CLASS.” – GM, telling of the benefits of knowing your character’s abilities in terms of Elim’s eagle
“It’s like Christmas!” [Murmuring] “It’s like Christmas where everyone’s dead…” – Quint and Will

10/31/14 (Halloween 2: Electric Boogaloo. Happy Anniversary!)
“MacGuffins are people too, I guess.” – GM
“….How did I get chocolate on my crotch??” – Bree
“A sand devil picks you up” “Sand Teifling?” – GM, Mark
“…sandstorm?” [Bree starts playing Darude]
“Kansas is the Red Wastes, right?” – Mark
“I lick the cobblestones.” – Alyssa
“I go in the direction I hear you pointing.” – Mark
“Roll for consensual licking” – GM
“What would I add to that one…dexterity?” – Alyssa
“Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh I’m an insensitive prick.” – GM (After telling the blind character that the monster looked him in the eye and enthralled him)

“Oh, that’s right, you’re blind. Fuck.” – GM about to describe what the room looks like to the blind Theatris
“Scribe’s gone: Just like Ravakain.” “We believe Bree still exists…wait, Michael, did you kill Bree?” – Quint, Mark
“Let’s get drunk at Ravakain’s funeral!!” – Quint, Graham
“My spiders are plot-sized.” – Mark
[Will extends a hand. Michael begins to pass the escalation die] “Oh! You want cookies, not the escalation die!” – GM

11/16/14 – “The Blind Leading the Blind”
“What I’m trying to say is, he has a +2 to Stupidity.” – Will
“Gorht thinks he’s a monk and went to a monastery because he has +2 Stupidity. He’s actually my secretary. He’s good at taxes and Java, because +2 Stupidity.” – Quint
“Why’d he go to the monastery?” “To become stupid and blind, apparently. Why else would you go to the monastery?” – Quint, GM
“When is a door not a door?” “When it’s a wall and a blind man’s trying to find the door.” – Will, Wesley
“Stop being so cis-couatl.” – Will to the GM while he’s trying to remember the gender of Bree the Third
“Let’s ride a fog child!” – Von
“Gorht. It’s your turn.” [trying to get the GM to remember his character’s last name] “Gorht who?” “Gorht fuck yourself.” – Will, GM

[The necromancer is talking to the ghost about some serious bidness]“Grub’s friends are weird.” – Zach
[Describing Theatris’ body] “It’s basically a skeleton with extra pulpy bits.” “That sounds just like Mark!” [Group groans in an offended manner] – Bree, Quint
“My character hugs Grub.” “He takes 8 damage!” – Will, Quint

[GM asks what we want to add to our lair] “Could we have a room labeled ‘Booby Trap’ and it’s just an empty room with boobs painted onto the wall?” [A while later] “SPRING BREAK 2012” – Will, Quint
“My character can speak Braille” “New One Unique Thing?” – Will, GM
“I want a Victorian child as a magical item.” – Will
“So Cal is glowing’ “Wait. Cal is pregnant?!?” – GM, Bree
[Writing homework while half-listening to the pregnancy discussion = osmosis] “The baby that I bought this week is already causing me problems.” – Quint
“Corporations are people but goblins aren’t.” – Mark
“…Invisible Valma” “Invisible Velma?” – GM, Mark
“I had a problem with tonight’s campaign, but I have a solution…and it doesn’t involve a strapon…” – GM [In which we discuss Gnome Chomsky’s namesake and a Bo Burnham song, which helps the GM figure out what he is doing]
[After explaining that you REALLY don’t wanna seduce a Soul Flenser, as it’ll “flense your dick off.” (As described by the GM)] “Dick Flenser would be a great name for an in-game detective.” “Or some non-canon fanfic!” – Bree, Quint
“Muh-gnome muh-gnome! Doo-doo doodoo-doo…” – Quint, Bree
“I know it from a Barney VHS.” – Mark
[When describing his spell, Acid Wave] “Bishnips shouts ‘HEY GNOME CHOMSKY, SURF’S UP!’ ”

13 Hours of the 13th Age #3: I’m Dreaming of a White Plume Mountain
I’ll lick ‘em, you loot ‘em!” – Alyssa, to Sam
“Ahaa…we defeated you, hallway!” – Peyton

1/18/15 Ancient Chicken Rodeo
[Baptist Minister voice] “…you will take the great sailing ship to the mountain of fire!” – Mark (I wish I had written down this entire speech – it was hilarious)
“Can you escort us to the proper authorities?” “The proper phrase is ‘take me to your leader’” – Reid, Mark
“I open a copy of the B.S.D.X…42…” – Reid
All of the names for Boy Scouts of the Dragon Empire Manual (BSDEM)
BDSM…Benedict Cumberbatch…thing on my back
BS Dem
Boys Dem
“Roll to pronounce!” – Mark
“My NPCs don’t count as people….so it doesn’t count as slavery.” – Mark
“Ghost sound..smooth jazz!” – Eric
[giggling] “Can I get it to poop on the old lady’s house?” – Wesley, after taming a dinosaur
“Holy…fudgen-budgen!” – Wesley
“The poor choice would be seducing the shadow dragon?” “No, the poor choice would to be the bottom.” – Gm, Mark
“Okay, who’s NOT fucking the dragon?” [several people raise their hands] – GM

1/25/15 First Official Spring Session (AKA The Ashen’s Back and You’re Gonna be in Trouble)
“If I had a strength-based character, I’d kick someone right now.” – Wesley
[Gesturing towards the party in annoyance] “If I had more arms, this would be more effective!” – Wesley
“Bizshnips used double-team…it was super effective!” – Bree
[Whenever someone makes a poor choice magically] “…Fucking Wizards.” – Sam
“Bizshnips leveled up! Bizshnips learned Grudge!” – Wesley

“You bombed the Inn Tyrnet.” “You bombed 4Chan?” “More like Forge-chan!” – GM, Mark
“What? I thought the soy milk container contained semen? You SAID that it didn’t contain soymilk!” “NO! It contains blood!” – Mark, GM
[Asking the vampire if he is a traitor] “Are you a plant, or are you a zombie?” “I’M A VAMPIRE.” – Mark, GM

“What would a rock wall find kinky!?” – Quint, attempting to seduce a wall
“You will be rambling about wall sex for the next 8 minutes. “So what are we talking about? 50 Shades of Granite?” – Matthew, Bree
“Flashbang out!” – Eric

“What’s crackalackin, under-dragon-kraken?” – Bree, after hearing that Wesley wants to tame an under-dragon-kraken. Yes, that’s a thing.
On how to spell assassin: [Singing] “ASSASSASSASS-assassassass-ASSASSASSASS” “…in” – Quint, Mark
“When in doubt, QWOP it out!” – Bree, discussing Har’s gait (who is a head in a mech body)
“The easiest way to get a multipass is to be a backstabbing asshole-” “Where’s Von?” – GM, Quint (Message from Quint: “<3><3><3><3><3><3”)
(Talking about the loss of our corporate child) “Can we adopt another Corporate Baby? Can we adopt a startup!?” – Quint
“What flavor baby is it!?” [GM leaves room in disgust] – Wesley
“I’m gonna change the letters AcME to NASA. Hang on, guys!” – Quint [Exitz-Atmospheric Moonlaunch Collaberation, Aero-ceramic Moon Expeditionér]
“How viable is a atmosphere of gaseous cheese?” – Wesley
[Pairs Les Voyage Dans La Lune with a 10 Hour Vuvuzela video
“Who is this…drawing penises on my wall!?” – GM
“It’s not quite the Land Down Under: It’s more of a Space Australia.” “It’s Spacetralia!” – Mark, Bree
“So you could say…I tried so hard…and Ghort so far…” – Will

3/29/15 (Night Session)
“Interns…some assembly required!” – GM, after the group discussed plans to kill & break apart the trapped interns and reassemble them on the surface
“IT’S MY WICK IN A BOX” – Quint, after lighting incense & putting away his lighter and wick

“Do we have a potion of ‘Cure PTSD?’” – Matthew
“My coatl has a first name, it’s C-O-A-T-L” – Matthew
“What did you make?” “Anti-Rorathik mist-” “in the form of a Cabbage Patch Doll!” – Matthew, Wesley, and Eric, cooing over Karrhiot, the Anti-Rorathik golem
“Cool gnomes don’t look at explosions.” – Wesley
“He’s hiveminding his own business…” – Eric

13th Age Scribe

Fractures in a Dying World michael_s_maneval ScribeOfAcererak