13th Age Scribe

10/31/13 – Rocky Horror-Themed Game (Screamhaunt Castle)
“We killed the boss with a questionably animated turkey?”
“You don’t have to roll to breathe.”
“I can’t think of any reason not to spin around with a chainsaw.”
“But it’s covered in mud blood!” “Thanks Hermione.”
“So the mummies are just sitting there?” “Like a granny on a roller coaster.”

1/19/14 – ACME Campaign – Living Dungeon
“How about Biggie Smalls?” – On naming the Chief Dwarf Expeditioner
“Are there, like, save points?” – GM leaves the room in bewilderment
“Badgerbadgerbadgerbadger mushroom MUSHROOM” – Describing the battle of James the Badger & the Fungaloids

4/6/14 – ACME Campaign – Living Dungeon
[GM Blinks] Everyone: “ROLL FOR INITIATIVE”

8/10/14 – ACME Campaign:The Cure
“How about the Inn Tyrnet?” – On naming the Inn in Chuulfenn
[While GM is describing the Green Star (?) River] “Why don’t we call it the River AoL?(pronounced “Owl”)”
“Who’s blending the cat?”

8/31/14
“Roll for CEO!” (Quint rolls a 100 out of 100. His character was a complete stranger to the others)

9/7/14
“b-b-b d-d-d…circle” – GM

9/14/14
“What is the name of the port that takes you to the stars?” “You mean Star Port?”
“Are you drawing a penis?” “NO IT’S A WATERFAAAALL”
[Pulls back arrow] “SYNERGY MUTHAFUKKAAA!” – Elim (Quint)

9/21/14 – The Star Port Adventure (Coincidentally, HG Wells’s Birthday)
“Greetings, I’m the leader of the Monks from Hell.” – Baldassar the Monk on Ice (Mark)
“What do you mean I can’t dual-wield brains?!?” – Baldassar the Monk on Ice (Mark)
“…How did my hair get inside the die?” – Mark
“The sound effect is…*PLOT*” – Mark
A…purple, ugly thing-” “I EAT IT” – Wesley to the GM
[singing about Goro the Lawyer and whether it was our fault that the floating island blew up] “We didn’t start the fire…it was always burning said the worst attorney…” – Mark
[Describing the Monks on Ice] They worship the goddess Hel. Aychh-EE-Single Hockeysticks…because it is hard to dual-wield them” – Mark

10/5/14
“Pet the pussy if something makes you uncomfortable.” – Quint, talking about his pet cat on the subject of the X-card rule
“It’s the no-no Gnome!” – Quint, on the item used for the X-card
[Once every round] “Ravakain continues to not exist…” – GM
“Suddenly, the rogue disappeared…again…” – GM
“The Chaos Mage was basically [created when] Rob Heinsoo masterbated onto a computer screen and that’s what came out.” – GM
“Roll for crowdsurf!” – Bree
“I’m taking him back to ass-er-ak.” “Do you mean Acererak?” “Asscrack? Same thing.” – Wesley, Mark, GM

10/19/14
“Do I know anything about the body other than it hit the floor?” – Will
“They had foreign troops inside the Dwarf King’s territory without his permission. Isn’t that the definition of invasion? If you’re not Russia!? – Mark, on the Archmage Invasion

10/26/14
“I’m half-elf. That’s like half-girl, right?” – Grahm
[When designing fictional illegal drugs] “Can we make one named fon-x?” – Will (Hooksed on phonics pun)
“ACME the mask-erade?” – GM
“It was an STD hospital?” “YOUR BIRD GOT HARPIES” – Quint, Bree
“A certain Elder God is making his way up there.” (In Unison) “ELEVATOR god?!?” – Grahm and Von to the GM.
“16 damage!? Damn…age…”
“What have we learned? DO YOUR READINGS BEFORE CLASS.” – GM, telling of the benefits of knowing your character’s abilities in terms of Elim’s eagle
“It’s like Christmas!” [Murmuring] “It’s like Christmas where everyone’s dead…” – Quint and Will

10/31/14 (Halloween 2: Electric Boogaloo. Happy Anniversary!)
“MacGuffins are people too, I guess.” – GM
“….How did I get chocolate on my crotch??” – Bree
“A sand devil picks you up” “Sand Teifling?” – GM, Mark
“…sandstorm?” [Bree starts playing Darude]
“Kansas is the Red Wastes, right?” – Mark
“I lick the cobblestones.” – Alyssa
“I go in the direction I hear you pointing.” – Mark
“Roll for consensual licking” – GM
“What would I add to that one…dexterity?” – Alyssa
“Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh I’m an insensitive prick.” – GM (After telling the blind character that the monster looked him in the eye and enthralled him)

11/2/14
“Oh, that’s right, you’re blind. Fuck.” – GM about to describe what the room looks like to the blind Theatris
“Scribe’s gone: Just like Ravakain.” “We believe Bree still exists…wait, Michael, did you kill Bree?” – Quint, Mark
“Let’s get drunk at Ravakain’s funeral!!” – Quint, Graham
“My spiders are plot-sized.” – Mark
[Will extends a hand. Michael begins to pass the escalation die] “Oh! You want cookies, not the escalation die!” – GM

11/16/14 – “The Blind Leading the Blind”
“What I’m trying to say is, he has a +2 to Stupidity.” – Will
“Gorht thinks he’s a monk and went to a monastery because he has +2 Stupidity. He’s actually my secretary. He’s good at taxes and Java, because +2 Stupidity.” – Quint
“Why’d he go to the monastery?” “To become stupid and blind, apparently. Why else would you go to the monastery?” – Quint, GM
“When is a door not a door?” “When it’s a wall and a blind man’s trying to find the door.” – Will, Wesley
“Stop being so cis-couatl.” – Will to the GM while he’s trying to remember the gender of Bree the Third
“Let’s ride a fog child!” – Von
“Gorht. It’s your turn.” [trying to get the GM to remember his character’s last name] “Gorht who?” “Gorht fuck yourself.” – Will, GM

11/23/14
[The necromancer is talking to the ghost about some serious bidness]“Grub’s friends are weird.” – Zach
[Describing Theatris’ body] “It’s basically a skeleton with extra pulpy bits.” “That sounds just like Mark!” [Group groans in an offended manner] – Bree, Quint
“My character hugs Grub.” “He takes 8 damage!” – Will, Quint

11/30/14
[GM asks what we want to add to our lair] “Could we have a room labeled ‘Booby Trap’ and it’s just an empty room with boobs painted onto the wall?” [A while later] “SPRING BREAK 2012” – Will, Quint
“My character can speak Braille” “New One Unique Thing?” – Will, GM
“THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GHORGEA” [Pronounced GORE-ja] – Quint
“I want a Victorian child as a magical item.” – Will
“So Cal is glowing’ “Wait. Cal is pregnant?!?” – GM, Bree
[Writing homework while half-listening to the pregnancy discussion = osmosis] “The baby that I bought this week is already causing me problems.” – Quint
“Corporations are people but goblins aren’t.” – Mark
“…Invisible Valma” “Invisible Velma?” – GM, Mark
“I had a problem with tonight’s campaign, but I have a solution…and it doesn’t involve a strapon…” – GM [In which we discuss Gnome Chomsky’s namesake and a Bo Burnham song, which helps the GM figure out what he is doing]
[After explaining that you REALLY don’t wanna seduce a Soul Flenser, as it’ll “flense your dick off.” (As described by the GM)] “Dick Flenser would be a great name for an in-game detective.” “Or some non-canon fanfic!” – Bree, Quint
“Muh-gnome muh-gnome! Doo-doo doodoo-doo…” – Quint, Bree
“I know it from a Barney VHS.” – Mark
[When describing his spell, Acid Wave] “Bishnips shouts ‘HEY GNOME CHOMSKY, SURF’S UP!’ ”
“THE POWER OF LARP COMPELS YOU” – Quint

13 Hours of the 13th Age #3: I’m Dreaming of a White Plume Mountain
I’ll lick ‘em, you loot ‘em!” – Alyssa, to Sam
“Ahaa…we defeated you, hallway!” – Peyton

1/18/15 Ancient Chicken Rodeo
[Baptist Minister voice] “…you will take the great sailing ship to the mountain of fire!” – Mark (I wish I had written down this entire speech – it was hilarious)
“Can you escort us to the proper authorities?” “The proper phrase is ‘take me to your leader’” – Reid, Mark
“I open a copy of the B.S.D.X…42…” – Reid
All of the names for Boy Scouts of the Dragon Empire Manual (BSDEM)
BDSM
BDSEM
BSDM
BDSM…Benedict Cumberbatch…thing on my back
BS Dem
Boys Dem
BSDMZIMBABWE. THEY ARE ABIDING BY THE ZIMBABWE
“Roll to pronounce!” – Mark
“My NPCs don’t count as people….so it doesn’t count as slavery.” – Mark
“Ghost sound..smooth jazz!” – Eric
[giggling] “Can I get it to poop on the old lady’s house?” – Wesley, after taming a dinosaur
“Holy…fudgen-budgen!” – Wesley
“The poor choice would be seducing the shadow dragon?” “No, the poor choice would to be the bottom.” – Gm, Mark
“Okay, who’s NOT fucking the dragon?” [several people raise their hands] – GM
“CANTRIPPING BALLS” – Eric

1/25/15 First Official Spring Session (AKA The Ashen’s Back and You’re Gonna be in Trouble)
“If I had a strength-based character, I’d kick someone right now.” – Wesley
[Gesturing towards the party in annoyance] “If I had more arms, this would be more effective!” – Wesley
“Bizshnips used double-team…it was super effective!” – Bree
[Whenever someone makes a poor choice magically] “…Fucking Wizards.” – Sam
“Bizshnips leveled up! Bizshnips learned Grudge!” – Wesley

2/7/15
“You bombed the Inn Tyrnet.” “You bombed 4Chan?” “More like Forge-chan!” – GM, Mark
“What? I thought the soy milk container contained semen? You SAID that it didn’t contain soymilk!” “NO! It contains blood!” – Mark, GM
[Asking the vampire if he is a traitor] “Are you a plant, or are you a zombie?” “I’M A VAMPIRE.” – Mark, GM

3/1/15
“What would a rock wall find kinky!?” – Quint, attempting to seduce a wall
“You will be rambling about wall sex for the next 8 minutes. “So what are we talking about? 50 Shades of Granite?” – Matthew, Bree
“Flashbang out!” – Eric

3/15/15
“What’s crackalackin, under-dragon-kraken?” – Bree, after hearing that Wesley wants to tame an under-dragon-kraken. Yes, that’s a thing.
On how to spell assassin: [Singing] “ASSASSASSASS-assassassass-ASSASSASSASS” “…in” – Quint, Mark
“When in doubt, QWOP it out!” – Bree, discussing Har’s gait (who is a head in a mech body)
“The easiest way to get a multipass is to be a backstabbing asshole-” “Where’s Von?” – GM, Quint (Message from Quint: “<3><3><3><3><3><3”)
(Talking about the loss of our corporate child) “Can we adopt another Corporate Baby? Can we adopt a startup!?” – Quint
“What flavor baby is it!?” [GM leaves room in disgust] – Wesley
“I’m gonna change the letters AcME to NASA. Hang on, guys!” – Quint [Exitz-Atmospheric Moonlaunch Collaberation, Aero-ceramic Moon Expeditionér]
“How viable is a atmosphere of gaseous cheese?” – Wesley
[Pairs Les Voyage Dans La Lune with a 10 Hour Vuvuzela video
“Who is this…drawing penises on my wall!?” – GM
“It’s not quite the Land Down Under: It’s more of a Space Australia.” “It’s Spacetralia!” – Mark, Bree
“So you could say…I tried so hard…and Ghort so far…” – Will

3/29/15 (Night Session)
“THE FLOOR IS LAVA AND THE SOAP IS NUTS” – Quint
“Interns…some assembly required!” – GM, after the group discussed plans to kill & break apart the trapped interns and reassemble them on the surface
“IT’S MY WICK IN A BOX” – Quint, after lighting incense & putting away his lighter and wick

4/12/15
“Do we have a potion of ‘Cure PTSD?’” – Matthew
“My coatl has a first name, it’s C-O-A-T-L” – Matthew
“What did you make?” “Anti-Rorathik mist-” “in the form of a Cabbage Patch Doll!” – Matthew, Wesley, and Eric, cooing over Karrhiot, the Anti-Rorathik golem
“Cool gnomes don’t look at explosions.” – Wesley
“He’s hiveminding his own business…” – Eric

13th Age Scribe

Fractures in a Dying World michael_s_maneval ScribeOfAcererak